If you don’t eat roast beef
You’ll do all right.
If you have none
There’s no need to fight.
If you go to market
You’re fine by me
But it’s best to stay home
And go “wee wee wee wee.”
Tag Archives: Humor
How To Do A Day’s Work In 60 Seconds Or Less
If anyone ever says
“Speed matters more than quality”
Show ’em this poem
‘Cause that’ll show ’em!
Filed under Poems
‘Twas the Best Of Times…
I studied some Spanish
And read a good book,
I exercised daily
And learned how to cook,
I got six pack abs
And I learned how to dance.
But I just can’t recall
What it’s like to wear pants…
Filed under Poems
The Chosen Pun
We’re locked in our houses
Away from the world,
Sanitizing ourselves
As our lives come unfurled.
As we wipe down possessions
The thing I don’t get
Is why “Spring Cleaning” jokes
Aren’t popular yet.
Filed under Poems
If You Don’t Think This Poem Is Ironic, You’re Part Of The Problem
There’s no place for intolerance
Among people I know.
If you’re someone intolerant
Then you had better go.
Intolerance is evil
And if you disagree
Then you should be ashamed
And also learn to think like me!
Filed under Poems
If You Want A Cure By February…
We’ve spent weeks in quarantine
And doubt is setting in.
Our leaders have ignored
The simplest way to win
This war against a virus.
We ask: Why haven’t they
Called Chuck Norris on the phone
To make it go away?
Filed under Poems
The Buck Stops Here
I’ve been working the suicide hotline
For the better part of a year
But when someone says
“I want to jump in front of a car”
I can’t help but say, “Oh deer!”
Filed under Poems
An Unexpected Goal
Somewhere there’s a recipe,
Solutions for your life,
A walkthrough to your victory,
An antidote to strife.
Today I build a fire
To light me on the trail
To find instead the recipe
Detailing how to fail.
If there is a flawless guide
Describing how to win
It cannot be of value
To those who look within.
To pass without a challenge
And to win what can’t be lost…
What value is a victory
Attained without a cost?
No master has deficiency;
No one has conquered failing.
My torch shines bright in search of plight.
Here’s hope for stormy sailing!
Filed under Poems
The Enemy of My Enemy
You might be afraid of tigers.
You might run away from a bear,
But when a spider on your ceiling
Can give you such a scare
Think of the microscopic guy
Who made the spider hide up there!
Filed under Poems
Sick Jokes Man!
Unlike aids, ebola, and most cancers of the spleen
People make a lot of jokes about Covid-19.
Maybe if we isolated people with a tumor
We’d find the situation full of all new types of humor?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 