I wonder who the first guy was
Who picked up a guitar
And swung his hand so randomly
With the amp amped-up too far
And made that overdriven sound
Whose chord’s identity is gone
And said, “Instead of writing songs
“Just play that from now on.”
Tag Archives: Metal
December 24, 2024 · 3:52 pm
What I Want For Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And in every shop
The employees were praying
For the music to stop.
Then over the speakers
There came a great roar
Of earsplitting guitar,
Bass, and four on the floor.
The singer was screaming
About who-on-Earth-knows
And the customers shopping
For last minute clothes
Stood still in the aisles
And heard the hard rock
And were grateful to that guy
Who turned off the schlock.
An employee was fired
For changing the playlist
But the customers rallied
And described him as “A-list”
And as he departed
And the carols returned
The shoppers revolted…
Firing overturned!
So the metal resumed
And the shoppers came back
And they purchased roast beef
And sang “Back In Black”.
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February 13, 2020 · 2:48 pm
Approach Anxiety – Power Metal Version
My feelings unspoken
Are like chains unbroken:
Restraining. Containing
The beast locked within.
To have them be heard…
A heart turned to word…
Uncurtained, uncertain
Of where to begin.
I know I can’t fight
The coming of night.
I don’t know what’s right
When I hear you coming.
Who knows what I’ll say
When night turns to day.
I’ll continue this way
Into the land of numbing.
I look in your hazel eyes
Hoping this feeling dies
But the beast smells a feast
And my heart needs to roar.
Steel bars start to bend
And I cannot contend
So I do what feels true:
Let the beast break down the door.
I knew not to fight
The coming of night.
I did what felt right
When I heard you calling.
Who knows what I’ll say
When night turns to day.
I’ll continue this way
Though it feels like falling.
The cage opens wide,
Lets the monster outside.
The beast is released
And it pounces on you.
But claw scratches steel;
How can this be real?
Could it be, just like me,
There’s a beast inside you?
I welcome our fight
In the coming of night.
Can’t know that I’m right
But it’s worth the gamble.
Who knows what I’ll say
When night turns to day
But I no longer hide
For lack of preamble.
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October 18, 2019 · 7:36 pm
Who Goes To Concerts To Listen Anyway?
The origin of Death Metal
Is really pretty neat:
They recorded Beatles fans
And set it to a beat.
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April 4, 2018 · 12:15 pm
Death Metal Groupies
Just because your singing voice
Sounds like Jabba the Hutt
Imitating Bryan Adams
Gargling a cigarette butt
Run in slow-motion backwards
Mixed with satanic chants
And is voted less favorably
Than being bitten by ants
Doesn’t mean I don’t want to
Get into your pants.
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July 29, 2017 · 11:27 am
“Satan’s Bear Spray” Gets A New Band Member
Heavy metal music
Could really benefit
If the makers would include
More harmonicas in it,
‘Cause in between the screaming,
Angry lyrics, and casual sin
You might think the bands are scary.
That’s where harmonicas come in!
“I want to thrash your eyes out!”
Screams a man who’s nicknamed “Blight,”
Then the harmonica gently vibrates
As if to say “it’s all alright.”
It would be an innovation
To the predominant metal sound,
And you’d find cheerier venues
With more harmonicas around.
The Daily Travesty 