If you’re struggling in your career
Give Hollywood a call
Because there’s no script for a 67 movie yet
And they’ll take anything at all.
Tag Archives: Movies
How The Mighty Have Fallen
Remember when Pixar had a lamp
That hopped up and down on the “I”?
Now it just asks the “I” for its pronouns
Before movies that don’t make me cry.
Filed under Poems
Except They’d All Start Bullying The Dog Because She’s Cute And Blonde…
I think we need an Air Bud sequel
Where the dog plays in the WNBA.
It would bring recognition to the league
And the dog winning makes sense that way.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than JJ Abrams
Did you hear about the filmmaker
Named “Very Clumsy Greg”
Who was famous on the set
For always hurting his leg?
Well, one day during filming
As a scene was to begin
He said, “Lights”, then he said “camera”,
And then he said, “Ack! Shin!”
Filed under Poems
Notting Hill
There once was a good-looking chap
Who spilled juice on a movie star’s lap.
They would, then they wouldn’t,
They could but they couldn’t,
And, my goodness, their acting was crap.
Filed under Poems
It’s Working, Comrades!
I heard that Disney has discovered
A group of Russian bots
Has left many “Snow White” reviews
All filled with toxic thoughts.
I’m truly flabbergasted
That AI has come so far
As to accurately review a film
That deserves that single star.
Filed under Poems
Beetlejuice, Then And Now
In 1988 they made a movie of a couple
Who died driving off a one lane bridge.
They ended up haunting their family home
Because New Yorkers tried to sell their fridge.
They sang a reggae song about bananas
And almost had a wedding with a demon
And then a random sandworm saved the day
And everybody smiled instead of screamin’.
In 2024 they made a movie of a kid
And her parents and grandparents and a cop who is actually an actor, and an ex-wife and some random murdery boyfriend, etc.
They also had a wedding with a demon
Before a random sandworm saved the day
And I’m just wondering why Hollywood
Can’t just make films the 1988 way.
Filed under Poems
Folie A Deux
There was a movie about mental illness
That everyone actually liked
And, because of it, interest
In DC movies spiked.
Why not make a sequel
That’s a musical joke
And make it a franchise
And also all woke?
Filed under Poems
Heck, Even C3PO Ended Up Shooting People…
Remember when the movies
Had awesome robot pals
Like R2, Gort, the Terminator,
Bender, Ultron, and Hal?
Remember how these robots
All were murderous piles of chrome?
And now I ask: why would you want
A robot in your home?
Filed under Poems
Honestly, Don’t Limit It To Just Movies
I think instead of IMDB
Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews
We just need a site to completely compile
Liberal white women’s reviews.
Then you can see which films don’t appeal
To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.
That would inform me much more directly
If a film will be funny or no.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 