Tag Archives: poems

Hidden In Plain Sight

I am the bird who built her nest

Beside the onramp to I5.

On the road mens’ eyes are glued

As they drive to their servitude.

Millions see me every day

But almost none will notice.

They lose the chance to look at me

Because they have somewhere to be.

I eat a bug and flap my wings

And smell fresh air and gasoline.

They think they need the Earth and Sky

And long for what they cannot buy.

They can fly to planets

I’ll never know exist,

Yet I don’t mind my being small.

I am the freest of them all.

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False-Rape Culture

The marriage rate is going down

And many tears are falling.

The good men left and left behind

Some eyes bloodshot from bawling.

Men no longer mentor

Any women that they pay

Because they fear the power

Of what said women might say

And smart men will no longer talk

To strangers in a skirt

‘Cause they’re one false “j’accuse” away

From sleeping in the dirt.

Cats think that this circumstance

Is surely heavensent:

They live with 30-something women

Whose exes pay the rent.

Meanwhile the men rebuild themselves

From fighters into monks

And leave the chasing women

To the inner-city punks.

The West now walks on eggshells.

There is no doubt about it:

The feminists have made their beds

And now they lie about it.

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Reason #4,231,277 I Love Texas

You can make a salad

Out of Jell-o or potatoes,

One with cheese and croutons

Or bacon, lettuce, and tomatoes.

And though you can make a salad

Out of nothing more than fruit, you

Chose to make a kale salad…

I have no choice but to shoot you.

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All I Want For Christmas…

If you ever give me a puppy

I want you to name it “Trollop”

So I can shout “Trollop”

At the top of my lungs in the park

And not go to prison.

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“The Lousy Microwave” (Because I Spent All My Time On The Poem Instead Of The Title Today)

I have a lousy microwave.

It’s very very slow.

It take about two minutes

To melt a ball of snow.

If you want to boil water

A half an hour should do

And if you ever cook some soup

Go watch a film or two.

Your vegetables will not be steamed.

Your corn will not be popped.

The minute that you start it

It has already stopped.

It’s starting to annoy me

And get under my skin

And now I’ll either throw it out

Or try to plug it in.

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A Poem Is…

A vague sentence

Full of supercilious words

Spread out asymmetrically

Over multiple

Lines,

Rhyming

Optional.

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And Hark! He Said “Thou Cannot Reason With These People”

If we elected God himself

To lead the USA

Half of us would disapprove

Because he’s anti-gay.

Another half would criticize

The way his job was done

And make memes calling him socialist:

“Loaves and fishes for everyone!”

His “love your neighbor” policy

Would, by nationalists, be despised.

We’d call him dumb to design an ark

That’s unfeasibly sized.

We’d cry out “Egomaniac”

Because he asks for praise.

We’d complain that since he made time

The weekend should last four days.

Mary’d call him a rapist

After carrying his son

And some would say the Russians

Are the reason that he won.

They’d break the third commandment

Every day within the news

And people would complain

Because he panders to the Jews.

If we made God the president

He’d be called an old white shill,

But for sure his graven image

Would never grace a dollar bill.

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