My car may have it’s share of dings,
I may not buy you fancy things,
I might forget your name a lot,
I might comment “Your mom is hot,”
I might not read your favorite book,
I’ll seldom clean and never cook,
But if you become my wife
You can wear sweat pants for the rest of your life!
Filed under Poems
This evening I’m in a way
Where I feel I must say
That I feel my condition
Is quite laodicean
And thus I call it a day.
Filed under Poems
“chay’ leghlaHbe’wI’ chaDo’maq SoH?”
tlhob HoD picard.
wo’rIv, jatlh “ghoS nude bIQ’a’ HeH’e’
“‘ej ‘e’ ‘oH let DaqaSmoHbej.”
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“How do you spot a blind man?”
Asked Captain Picard.
Worf said, “Go to a nude beach
“And you’ll see that it’s not hard.”
Filed under Poems
My ducks were quacking noisily,
Apparently upset.
That’s as close to “In a row”
As my ducks ever get.
Filed under Poems
I used a plastic straw
At one point in my life
Which means I’ll never have a job,
A home, a car, a wife.
I’ll die reviled and alone
And someone will steal my kidney.
I only hope enough turtles live
To guide Marlin to Nemo in Sydney.
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My mother told me
“You know you’ve hit rock bottom
“When you spank statues.”
Filed under Poems
When I look into your eyes
I see past the grand disguise,
Past the diamonds and the dress
And paint to cover up the stress,
Past your ever-graceful way
Maintained despite a grueling day.
In your eyes, so dark and still,
I see you as no camera will.
In your eyes I see, unhidden,
Slippers, sweatpants, and a kitten.
Twinkle brightly little star
For those who see you as you are.
Filed under Poems
