Tag Archives: poems

On The Bright Side, My Nickname Is “Hips” Now

Sometimes all it takes

To make somebody’s day

Is to flash a cheerful smile

And whisper “Hip hip hooray!”

I tried it out this afternoon

And the data that I got was this:

Prison is not a good place to test

A cheerfulness hypothesis.

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Or Am I Just Forgetful?

Today it is early.

Last night it was late.

Does my lack of a poem

Mean I had a good date?

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I Put The “P” In Poem

Perhaps if people possessing purple percherons

Prepared their persons patiently

Purple percherons put in purses

Would prudently pursue purer pursuits?

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Night In The Woods: An Analysis Of The Forest and Tree-Heavy Areas After Sunset When Natural Lighting Is Limited To That Of The Moon In The Woods

Dark shadows in the black night

As four-legged quadrupeds scurry,

Moving left and right in both directions

Quickly, as if in a hurry.

The leaves from the plants crinkle noisily

With the sound of an audible pop:

This eternal song goes on forever

And probably will never stop.

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Afternoon People Are Fine Though

As you read this poem

You may look upon your clock

And see either the morning’s tic

Or else the evening’s tock.

I have advice to share with you

Be it the eve or morning;

First for my evening readers, I

Do share this somber warning:

For those whose work and leisure lasts

‘Til late at night like me

You run the risk of starting a blog

Of petty poetry.

But for the morning readers

Perhaps you’ll ponder thus:

How have you time to read crap

Writ by evening folk like us?

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Son Of God, Father Of Refreshing Beverages?

They say Jesus turned water into wine

But there’s an alternative guess I see:

I think Jesus was the inventor of Kool-Aid

But hadn’t perfected the recipe.

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In Retrospect, Childhood Had Its Perks

I have to go to bed soon

And wake up before quarter-to-noon

And then drive my car

And not get a gold star

And I can’t even watch a cartoon!

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The Bar Is Low

As she slid the dollar bill

Between my boxers and my abs

I came to the conclusion

Grandma shouldn’t have opened a tab.

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The Best Revenge Is A Fifth Grade Band Student

Blow ye trumpet!

Blow yer horn

From sunset ‘til

Tomorrow morn’.

Bugle brightly

As if in labor

For I’m out of town

And I hate my neighbors!

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There May Also Be Breeding Involved…

There once was a digital horse

Who ran with electrical force.

It’s in my girlfriend’s phone

And now I’m alone

‘Cause she’s busy racing, of course!

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