Tag Archives: poems

The Middle Child (68)

I remember how my sister,

69, was always “nice”.

Then my brother, 67,

Became a meme. It happened twice!

Yet here I am, poor 68,

Unrecognized ‘til now.

I am still important though,

And let me tell you how:

I’m the atomic number for Erbium

And the number of squares in Chutes and Ladders;

Emperor Nero died in year 68

So Julio-Claudians think that matters;

I’m a trope for a generic hotel room number

And the latitude of midnight sun;

L.C. Greenwood of the Steelers

Wore my number. Super fun!

I’m two-times-two times seventeen

And a Californian highway

And still despite these awesome facts

I never get things my way…

For now I’ll stay anonymous

As seems to be my fate

But watch for me on YouTube

In 2028.

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Happy International Men’s Day!

House all to myself.

There’s a lot of stuff to do

Like nap on the couch.

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The Blood God Congenially Requests Your Creativity

So I was just a year past ageless

And I wanted lamb for dinner

So I demanded a sacrifice

From some now-nameless sinner.

Now every year since the dawn of man

They sacrifice more sheep.

Can’t you sacrifice a salad once?

Or maybe a marshmallow peep?

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Bypassing Internet Censorship, Two Clubs Interconnected By A Chain At A Time

Who decided that “Nunchaku”

Should be pronounced like “Numb Chucks?”

I assume it’s some translator,

But they’re almost certainly dunfaku.

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Worth A Shot?

You say that pushing people

Into volcanos isn’t fair.

I say “the Mayans didn’t have a $38 trillion national debt”

And then, with a sniff, say “so there”.

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Ja?

To my homeys in Mexico:

Without context, how do you know

If it’s Santa’s bellow

Or a rapper’s Hello

When you read the words “Jo jo jo”?

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Gift Cards

Happy Birthday dude!

Here’s cash you can only spend

Somewhere you don’t go.

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Mon Dieu!

The English marched on Agincourt

With hoards of longbowmen

To fight the army of the French.

They were terribly surprised when

They loosed a thousand arrows

And those chic Parisian dorks

Brought out the champagne bottles

And fired back with corks.

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A Real Man’s Christmas Wishlist

Triumph over evil

Victory in battle

A wife and seven children

Some land to herd my cattle

A fancy leather cowboy hat

A closet full of guns

A quiet place to rest my head

And lots of silly puns.

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If You’re Not Reading This, I’m No Longer Stuck On A Random Wednesday

Horror movies are just Groundhog Day

But it’s Halloween instead.

Now with that insight passed on

I’m going to go to bed.

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