I watch you smile
In your sleep.
What secrets do
Your dreams so keep?
Will the joyfulness
Your rest bestowed
Remain when you see
Your car’s been towed?
Tag Archives: Poetry
Martyrdumb: Saint Drogo’s Story?
Somewhere someone is dying,
Nobly becoming a martyr.
Somewhere someone is getting
Less than what for they did barter.
Somewhere someone deemed saintworthy
As “Patron of Muffin Tops” is anointed.
But here I’m alive and unrecognized
And somehow I’m not disappointed.
Filed under Poems
Hey, Wait…
If you’re rubber
And I’m glue
You can call me anything
And I’m just screwed…
Filed under Poems
Feminist Fairy Tales
Once upon a time
There lived a lovely dame
Who got stolen by a dragon
Which she thought was pretty lame.
No one came to rescue her
Cause didn’t need no man.
The princes stayed at home
And got flabby eating flan.
Filed under Poems
Why Honesty Is A Dying Virtue
People these days
Are way too PC.
Take my friend (who for privacy
And rhyming’s sake we’ll call “B”).
B got offended
When I said “poop and pee.”
Even so, it’s still what
Her dinner tasted like to me.
Filed under Poems
My Ex, Why Z?
She’s a glass doll made of plastic,
A silent symphony,
A baby butterfly
But not a caterpillar, see.
She’s the sense of satisfaction
Men don’t get from buying shoes.
She’s a pomegranate seed,
But just the part without the juice.
She’s nonfat butter ice cream.
She’s that feeling of “just woke up.”
She’s everything and nothing
Which is probably why we broke up.
Filed under Poems
Rufus (Street Fighter IV)
750 pounds
Of animated lard
Who beats the crap out of little girls
And thinks it’s really hard.
He does a six-foot vertical jump
And a pirouette in the air.
Now I need to insert coins…
Life sure isn’t fair.
Filed under Poems
Just Because I Can’t Take It With Me Doesn’t Justify Your Shenanigans, Kevin!
If I were to die tomorrow
And my body just rotted away
And I lived as a ghost
With no body for a host
Even though I never got all old and gray
I would be irked. That’s certain.
But I think that as I crossed the bridge
From Earth to Hell or Heaven
I’d think of my roommate Kevin
And hope he wouldn’t steal my food out of the fridge.
Filed under Poems
But He Pronounced It Like “Hwipped”
Cream’s wife asked him
To go to the store.
Cream’s wife’s husband obeyed
Without asking what for.
Cream’s wife’s husband’s friend
Saw how the scales tipped
And he said to cream
“My God man, you’re whipped!”
