Tag Archives: Honesty

Crime Pays Everyone But Me

People lose millions of dollars a day

To people with terrible grammar,

So I figured “Hey, I seem stupid sometimes

“So why shouldn’t I be a scammer?”

I sent out an email to millions of people

Saying “I could have stolen a stack

“But instead I abstained from stealing your money

“So to say thanks, could you send some back?”

That was on Monday and now it is Friday

And I’m not sure if scams like this work…

So now you’re aware of why criminals steal:

It’s ’cause you’re a miserly jerk!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Intimacy Of Distance

Sometimes to be yourself it seems

A friend just will not do,

For one may fear a friend will know

About the real you.

And so when one must tell the truth

With all its hidden dangers

One turns to find one’s solace

In the waiting ears of strangers.

And yet in sharing what you are

With someone you don’t know,

In starting with the basic stuff

And moving far too slow

You find that what you hoped for

Is alive and omnipresent

And that a world that judged you

Now appears… could it be pleasant?

Did you see the sun came out

And know that fruit is sweet

And music’s free for everyone

And smiles fill the street?

Sometimes just to be yourself

Needs strength you do not feel

So thank God for the strangers

And the ways they help us heal.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems


I used to be wealthy, handsome, and brave.

I used to be known as whom all women crave.

I used to be humble, witty, and wise

But then I stopped speaking in nothing but lies.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Honest Politician’s Prayer

I am a tree without a trunk,

A neck without a spine,

A car without a chassis,

A roller coaster with no line.

I’m an eskimo in Florida,

Someone humble in LA.

You’ve probably never seen me

And it’ll probably stay that way.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Wherein A First-Time Internet Dater Realizes Honesty Is Overrated

I have no ambition,

Motivation, manly vigor.

I have very little money

And just three inches down there.

I wish I were more macho,

Richer, smarter, or just bigger

But your ad said if I’m honest

Then you really couldn’t care.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Questionable Pickup Line #473

If you see a girl you like

And say to her “my name is Mike”

Then it’d be a real shame

If that weren’t your real name.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Why Honesty Is A Dying Virtue

People these days

Are way too PC.

Take my friend (who for privacy

And rhyming’s sake we’ll call “B”).

B got offended
When I said “poop and pee.”

Even so, it’s still what

Her dinner tasted like to me.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Just An Honest Reflection This Time (Plus Some Chihuly)

Getting up at 7:00 on a Saturday

Is the fate that awaits yours truly.

Maybe I wouldn’t have to

If I were a guy Dale Chihuly,

But I’m not an artist of fortune

Thus I cry “alack and alas!

“I’ve found my calling in bad poetry

When the real money’s in blowing of glass!”

So while my fate of rising early

Is sealed, as justly it should

At least I take heart in the knowlege

That the stakea are low if this poem ain’t good.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Being Tall

Do I say I’m 5’11”
To seem as if I’m honest?

Do I say that I’m 6-foot-1
Because that is the truth?

Do I say that I’m 6-foot-3
‘Cause you’ll subtract two inches?

Or do I just say F*** it
And come off as uncouth?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Love In The Time Of #YesAllWomen

He offers a sideways glance.

She says “I have a boyfriend.”

Because of the the few, so many

Potential friendships this way end.


Filed under Poems