There once was a criminal crew
Who knew precisely what to do.
They went on a heist
And their planning sufficed
And the film got an awful review.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Jacques Strap? (Comment A Better Title… I Dare You)
They called me “french-fry fingers”
‘Cause I’m just that bad at bowling.
See, oil gets all over the ball
After it starts a rolling.
Then it hits the bowling pins
And knocks down one or two.
Emotionally salty, physically oily,
And that’s why. Comprenez-vous?
Filed under Poems
What, You Expected A Point?
If a “house plant” is a thing
A “home tree” should be too,
As should a “duplex flower”
And “skyscraper bamboo.”
But perhaps my favorite combo
(The others are still great though)
Is either “Airbnb broccoli”
Or else “hovel tomato”.
On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)
It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.
There really is near nothing to it
As long as you don’t care what they name us
And don’t care if you need to live through it.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than The Crap You Read In High School
I was sick of using imagination
So I Googled “Poetry Inspiration”.
The website said “Write a poem about
“Blue sand and red crabs.”
Thus: Two crabs, clad in vermillion
Brought in cash about a million
And they bought the really good stuff
That they make in science labs.
They cut it with their claws
And broke like fifty laws
But by the end their point of view
Was “Drugs are good and sand is blue”.
Filed under Poems
The Dead Sea Scrolls Revealed!
In the Bible, there’s a gap
Of 18 years or thereabout
Between when Jesus was a boy
And when he’d grown all out.
I think he used those missing years
As an omnipotent adolescent
To turn the oceans into wine
Both still and effervescent.
Filed under Poems
It’s All The Rage In The Middle East These Days!
I saw a survey at a shop
That made me pause, then fully stop.
It asked “What flavor would you want
“To drink here in our restaurant?”
I think they wanted “Pumpkin spice”,
“Caramel pecan”, or something nice.
I wrote “The blood of politicians
“Collected via millions of small incisions.”
Filed under Poems
Gotta Bring Back The Traditions!
A month has past since wedded bliss
And yet again it comes to this:
It’s long past my correct bed time
So I give you a four line poem and a rhyme.
Filed under Poems
Why I Love Asian Food
I was warming a bowl of alphabet soup
‘Cause I’m a grown up, and I can
When I looked down and wondered aloud
“Why’s there so much broth in my pan?”
Now I could add noodles and call it a day
But I felt, toward that fix, an aversion,
So instead I went shopping for a new can
And this time got the Japanese version.
Filed under Poems
When It’s November 1st And You’re On Your Lunch Break But Have To Keep A Promise To Your 16-Year-Old Self
Hello Dear Reader!
I am back!
A ring I have
But ideas I lack.
My skills have not grown
But my mind is rested
And in this endeavor
I am reinvested.
I hope my poems
Inspire laughter
And bring you joy
During and after
Your car breaks down
Or your pet dies
Or you pay too much
For disappointing fries.
With all that said
Adjourn I must
For I need more sheets
That say “In God We Trust”.
The Daily Travesty 