Tag Archives: Postaday

NEVER End A Line With “Buck”

Another evening passes

Like methane from our asses,

Like the motorist that passes

Bicyclists, slow as molasses.

It passes like a buck

And the fact that I wrote buck

Means I’ll spare you from future rhymes

Because you already get the analogy.

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Bertha Lent Him The Razor

There once was a redneck named Darryl

Whose back hair was fiery and feral.

But he shaved it one year

‘Cause it drank all his beers

But hey shucks! Hair will do what hair’ll!

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Also, I Won My Girl A Stuffed Llama, So I’m A Better Boyfriend Than You 😋

I went to the state fair today;

We ate scones and rolled in the hay.

We waited in line

Both to ride and to dine

But ‘twas worth it for plenty of play.

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Divorce, The Old-Fashioned Way

If I had a hundred camels

And a thousand mules

I could buy your daughter’s love

‘Cause those are the nuptial rules.

But you’d demand a thousand camels

And diamonds by the sack

If I got to know your daughter

And wanted to give her back.

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African Chant (My First Attempt)

I think African people

Should name more children “Enad”

‘Cause then people would ask

“Where’s your kid?”

And then Enad would walk in

And people would say “Hi Enad”

And the parents would get upset

Because they think their kid got hyena’d

But then they’d realize the irony

And laugh

And laugh

And laugh some more

Because they were the real hyenas all along.

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Fair Retails Before Bed

Once there was a tired gent.

To bed went he; To sleep he went.

The other folks said “Mama Mia!”

For the bed he went was in Ikea.

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Spiders

Did you feel that on your head,

In the shower and your bed,

On the ceilings and the wall,

Skittering at the start of Fall?

Did you feel those hairy feet

And venomous mandibles that eat

The other monstrous hairy things

That fly about on silver wings?

Did you see the spiders skitter,

There oh-so-many eyes a glitter?

I saw one last night in town

Which is why I burned the city down.

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If They Just Quit Posting The “No Diving” Signs, The Whole World Could Fly

One day I decided to climb a tree

So I started at the trunk

Then dug and dug through moss and dirt

Until my shovel said “thunk”.

And so I climbed on down the roots

Until I hit a molten core

And now you know who they make signs

With helpful pictures for!

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Episode 12: A New Hope

There once was a Seahawks QB

Who wore a shirt that said “3”.

The fans said “Oh no”

When they watched Russell go

But now they chant “Geno for me!”

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This Is Why We Have Pets…

If I had a chicken sandwich

For every time I ever farted

My death by starvation would be queuing.

If I had a chicken sandwich

For every time I lied

You’d never hear my farts above the chewing.

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