Tag Archives: Postaday

And You Thought No One Would Ever Love You!

I close my eyes, remembering

The day we almost met.

You were taking Cynthia

(Your puppy) to the vet.

You were glowing beautifully,

A tear drop in your eye,

And I was in my plain white van,

My third time driving by.

I almost parked, almost went in,

Almost told you my name

But I kept on making four right turns

And keeping things the same.

Sometimes I close my eyes and think

Of how we might have been

But it’s best for both of us if I,

For now, remain unseen.

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New Study Shows Women Are “Marrying Down…”

My car may have it’s share of dings,

I may not buy you fancy things,

I might forget your name a lot,

I might comment “Your mom is hot,”

I might not read your favorite book,

I’ll seldom clean and never cook,

But if you become my wife

You can wear sweat pants for the rest of your life!

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Dictionaries: For The Days Your Mind Doesn’t

This evening I’m in a way

Where I feel I must say

That I feel my condition

Is quite laodicean

And thus I call it a day.

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Klingon Humor

“chay’ leghlaHbe’wI’ chaDo’maq SoH?”

tlhob HoD picard.

wo’rIv, jatlh “ghoS nude bIQ’a’ HeH’e’

“‘ej ‘e’ ‘oH let DaqaSmoHbej.”

——————————————————–

“How do you spot a blind man?”

Asked Captain Picard.

Worf said, “Go to a nude beach

“And you’ll see that it’s not hard.”

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Plot Twist: They’re Canadian

My ducks were quacking noisily,

Apparently upset.

That’s as close to “In a row”

As my ducks ever get.

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Millennial Regrets

I used a plastic straw

At one point in my life

Which means I’ll never have a job,

A home, a car, a wife.

I’ll die reviled and alone

And someone will steal my kidney.

I only hope enough turtles live

To guide Marlin to Nemo in Sydney.

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Mother’s Always Right

My mother told me

“You know you’ve hit rock bottom

“When you spank statues.”

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