At 5:00 AM I woke up
And went for a three-mile run.
At 6:00 AM I wrote a love note
To my honeybun.
At 7:00 AM I had breakfast:
Gold-plated caviar.
At 1:20 PM I lied in a poem
And that’s my day so far!
Tag Archives: Postaday
Tell Me This Doesn’t Rhyme!
Ding Chang was changing his password
To 🈚️🈶🈷️🈸🈺
But Google called it invalid
So instead he wrote 🈚️🈶🈷️🈸🈵
Filed under Poems
Meanwhile, At Netflix Headquarters…
In Japan they make cartoons
With people named Jojo or Light…
And even though they’re Japanese
The characters are all white…
But when we film an adaptation
Fans of the original are mad
Because we only hired white actors
And, apparently, that’s bad?
Filed under Poems
TWITTER HAS GONE TOO FAR!!!
A side effect of internet
Expanding the nobodies’ voices
Is what were once called parodies
Are now called valid choices.
Opinions so abhorrent
That no one would speak in person
Are fodder for hysteria,
A fate I fear will worsen.
No civil conversation
Can withstand the hate of distance,
And leaving online life
May be the only sane resistance.
What evidence have I
That things are dire as I claim?
Well, someone unironically
Wrote “Firefly is lame.”
Filed under Poems
It’s Not The Size… It’s The Personality
Here’s to all the porcupines
Who smile from behind their spines.
How they reproduce may you-befuddle,
As might how, afterwards, they cuddle.
One thing that I know for certain
Is neither partner ends up hurtin’
Which is more than I can say
For every woman I’ve had. Yay!
Filed under Poems
Why Fictional Japan Is Objectively The Best Country
On TV, the blue-haired girl
Is innocent and kind.
She cooks and cleans and loves you
For your heart, not your behind.
She’s fearful, but she conquers it;
Was blind, but now she sees.
In real life, the blue-haired girl
Thinks men are a disease.
Filed under Poems
