Tag Archives: Postaday

That Was My First Mistake

When a child is chosen

To come down from Heaven

They’re given a choice

From between one and seven

On how hard a challenge

They want life to be.

Here’s a few quick examples

For you now, from me:

One is a plant

In a jungle somewhere

Far away from the humans

With lots of clean air.

A two is a puppy

In a rich white guy’s home

With unlimited treats

And a whole yard to roam.

A three’s like a two

Until that fateful day

When you start as a “he”

And the vet makes you “they.”

A four is a human

Who lives all their days

With a big happy family

And an annual raise.

At five you have troubles

Like sickness or fear

And just 500 likes

On that pic of your rear.

At six life can seem

Like an old country song,

But you can take comfort

That it won’t last too long.

And seven’s just you

In a hospital bed

With a Taylor Swift song

Ever stuck in your head.

I hope that this helps you

Decide your next fate.

I know that, before life,

A lot’s on your plate.

No matter your choice though

You’ll probably be fine

Unless you’re a poet

Who asked, “Hmm… what’s nine?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When You At Least Remember the Important Part of the Limerick

There once was bobabezine

That slodda dee focus or line?

And burger da beep

Chodda wodda ga meep?

Soda wamegla SWEET CAROLINE!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Diet Supplements

Are you tired of working out?

Wish you could lose some weight?

Then you stumbling on this post

Is nothing short of fate!

See, I’m a famous CEO

Who grew up on the street

And I’ve been on some talk shows

And my life is really neat.

I’ve collaborated

With a bunch of science nerds

To make a diet supplement

That will leave you without words:

Our many happy clients

Universally lost weight,

And we’re officially endorsed

By nearly every socialist state.

What is this magic product?

You really want to know?

Okay, since you asked nicely…

“Dehydrated H2O.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Dear Conspiracy Theorists…

Some people believe

That our world will be conquered

By satanic lizards from Mars.

To those folks I say,

“Don’t be scared… it’s okay.

“Their rulers are better than ours!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Random Thought of the Day

Roses are red,

My car’s a two-seater.

Everything’s a piñata

If you’re not a picky eater.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Superhero Anthem?

A figure flies along the streets

Of a city, black and grey,

Equipped with special armaments

With which to hunt her prey.

Her foes are public enemies

Called apathy and fear.

She strikes them down with not a frown

But a flash of wit and cheer.

Her only superpower

Is a total lack of worry

With which she slays uncertainty

In one most epic flurry!

Who is this maid of mystery

And what can she not do?

We cannot know for certain

But I hope she might be you!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Video Games

People go to work

Eight hours a day

Clicking buttons mindlessly

To earn their meager pay,

After which they go home

And spend sixty bucks

To click buttons mindlessly

And then say their life sucks…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Higher Education is a Cure for Introversion

I once found it tough

To talk about stuff,

But then I went to college.

Now I regale ya

About paraphernalia

‘Cause now I’ve got the knowledge!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

X-1 Teachers

If two trains depart at identical hours

Traveling towards one another

On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks

For the opposite engineer’s mother

When first they pass one another

At speeds varying by a factor of 5

How long will it take before students

Make their teacher no longer alive?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Feel The Burn

I’m not a really kinky dude

(As you may have surmised)

So I don’t know if this is real

But I wouldn’t be surprised:

There should be a dating site

For folks who “sub” or “dom”

To meet in public places…

“Strike-Anywhere Match.com”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems