Refried or jelly?
Happy taste buds or belly?
Eat what I want or what I should?
Why must shit food taste so good?
Tag Archives: Postaday
Weird Bob Gets Dumped
Fish don’t sweat
And cars don’t bleed.
Plants don’t poop
And dogs don’t read.
Knives don’t smile
And rocks don’t get lither.
Why should she care
If I don’t do that stuff either?
Filed under Poems
What Is Humor?
The quality of being amusing,
A mood or state of mind,
To comply with someone’s wishes
Or, to kids, the word “behind.”
Filed under Poems
Match.com Self-Summary
Some men are boob guys.
Some like hair and eyes.
Some seek butts from all across the globe.
Some go nuts for feet,
But what I think’s neat
Is a lady with some really nice earlobes.
Filed under Poems
When You Don’t Fit In
I wanna be a henchman.
It’s been my only dream
Since I popped out o’ mommy
And I made the doctor scream.
I wanna test inventions
Not safe for normal folks,
To be the head o’ suicide missions
And the butt of all the jokes.
I want a friend named Igor,
Or a dozen, or a horde.
I want to live a life that is
Too short to ever get bored.
I want to be a henchman,
A minion, grunt, or goon,
But I failed my test for Hensa
And couldn’t be certified as a buffoon.
Hence I am a villain,
Respected, hated, feared.
I still hang out with lowlifes
But my henchmen think I’m weird.
Filed under Poems
Sex In A Pool
My heart skips a beat
As our bodies intertwine,
Her hands on my shoulders,
Her lips locked in mine.
Somewhere a small voice
Says “you can’t do that here,”
But my eyes meet my love
And away goes my fear.
Our clothes are all gone
And we get on our way.
The little voice speaks
But I shove it away.
The air fills with moaning,
With screams of my name.
Our love is the water,
Our passion a flame!
After what seems a lifetime
Our forms pull away.
I hope the rec center
Will let us come back some day.
Filed under Poems
Mr. Toad Can Only Get So Wild
I know I’m frustrated,
A little bit mad,
Both happy and pouty
And yet somewhat sad.
I’m also ecstatic,
Romantic, and weak,
Like my heart is an ocean
With a slow drizzly leak.
My head spins like the plate
In a microwave oven
And I feel so unwelcome
Like Christ in a coven.
Somehow these feelings
Keep bubbling inside
When the UCLA intern
Says I’m too tall to ride.
Filed under Poems
The Evening Following Fido’s Emancipation
Tasty chunka meat
Sizzlin’ nicely on the stove.
Who’s “master” now, Bitch?
Filed under Poems
A Very Factual Excuse
A monstrous weasel murdered me
Yesterday around 8:00.
It was rather inconvenient
Which is why this poem’s so late.
Filed under Poems
Corporations Are Evil (Because I Want Them To Be)
“Corporations are evil”
I think as I buy my Special K
And hop in my Toyota
And drive to the YMCA.
“Corporations are evil”
Is what’s running through my head
While I surf Youtube on my iPad
From my new Sleep Number bed.
“Corporations are evil”
Helps me eat my Eggland’s Best,
Helps me get ready for work at Megatech
As in Prada I get dressed.
“Corporations are evil”
Is a truth you can’t deny
Because my friends say it on Facebook
Which means that so should I.
“Corporations are evil.”
Was that all I have to say? Check!
It helps me feel virtuous
As Wells-Fargo cashes my paycheck.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 