The best thing I’ve seen
The best thing I’ve heard
Is the game and I have
A little too hard for a littler.
The only problem I had
Was just about a good game.
The only thing that is
A bit weak but today is the best
Is your opponent;
This is how my phone says
“I’ll be home at 6:00. Love you.”
Filed under Poems
This line is italic.
Thia line is bold.
The bold line has a typi.
So does that ome.
Okay, I’m donr.
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I gaze in awe at the millions
Who march to show their views.
I am there in person,
Not merely watching the news.
The signs are wise and witty
And camaraderie is merry
But I’m getting sick of idling
As I drive to the library…
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Somewhere in Texas
The gray clouds were parted,
Children didn’t comment
Even though someone farted,
A lone sunbeam broke
Through the sky, dark and wild,
And pond’ring his legacy
George W. smiled.
Somewhere in Texas
The dogs stopped their barking.
The deserts had rain
And the cities had parking.
And in the un-droughted sunbeamy parking lot
Sat an ex-executive dope,
No longer most hated
Or so he would hope.
Somewhere in Texas
A prairie dog sits.
It eats when it’s hungry
And afterwards… you know.
That rodent posts nothing
On Facebook today
And if we are lucky
Our friends will be the same way.
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Tomorrow is the fateful day
Where 45% of America shouts “hooray”
And the major event will be watching those
Who will not be watching the new Pres’s prose.
Tomorrow the meme will in the white house sit
And whether you smile or snarl or spit
You have to admit (or at least you should)
Until 2020 Twitter’s gonna be good.
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Like a church without a steeple,
A Costco that’s not full of people,
A girl who doesn’t like a bunny
Or a kid who thinks fart jokes aren’t funny,
Like a bracelet without a clasp,
A crossword puzzle without the word “asp,”
Like warm fresh bread without the yeast
Or cannibals who never feast,
Like raindrops falling with the snow
Or a hallmark card by Edgar Alan Poe,
Like a duck that only sinks
Or someone driving behind you that thinks,
Like a straight man enjoying “Magic Mike,”
Someone else’s chihuahua that people like,
A University that welcomes drop-ins,
Or “Liam Neeson stars as Mary Poppins.”
These are things that don’t exist,
That can’t be seen and won’t be missed.
They are like what you’ll become
If you ask me for money, Mr. Bum.
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They say there five universal fears
Which persisted throughout the many years.
All humans share these five
For as long as they’re alive
And are prob’ly why they buy so many beers.
The five, according to this citation
Are ego-death, extinction, mutilation,
Then loss of autonomy
(Which means not being free)
And the last one that they cite is separation.
What I learned from the article are these:
First, most people have no fear of cheese.
Also the magazine writers
Clearly don’t know about spiders.
Also, a dinosaur reading this agrees.
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Sometimes it seems
Like rhyming doesn’t matter
But it does
Or, like, whatever.
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Many chickens died today
To feed both me and you.
That makes me feel a little bad
For cooking turkey stew.
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The life called “thug”
Is not for me.
I like a sit-down
When I pee.
I do not like
When I am blamed
And when I burp
I feel ashamed.
I do my best
To stay hydrated
And instead of “you’re wrong”
I say “that can be debated.”
I think guns
Are loud and scary.
I admire Hermione
Moreso than Harry.
No, the thug life’s
Not my scene
But you have at it!
(Just don’t be mean).
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The Daily Travesty 