“I think you’re wrong” said someone
Who thought that they were right.
“I think you’re wrong,” said someone else,
And they began to fight.
I’d bet a million pesos
You saw that on TV last night.
Tag Archives: Silly
“An Updated Classic” Or “Backstory”
It was one of those days
When you want apple pie
But the waitress is cute
And you’re just too shy.
It’s one of those days
To spend at the riverbank
But when you drive there, the water’s
All stuck in a tank.
You want to hang out
With men who are classy
But good guys are drunk, so you settle
For guys who’re half-assy.
And you and your half-assy
Friends you’ll soon see
Just sit around singing
About mortality.
Oh my my,
I missed the American pie.
Drove my chevy to the levy
But the levy was dry,
And the good old boys
Were drinking whiskey and rye.
Yeah, I guess this’ll be
The day that I die.
Don’t We All
They say I’ve a nose like a bloodhound,
Eyes of an eagle, ears of an elf.
That’s a polite way for people to say
I suck at hide-and-seek when I play by myself.
Filed under Poems
A Few Good Runs
I eat a plum
To celebrate
A happy day,
Successful date,
A win at work,
A good night’s sleep,
Looking at a woman
Without seeming like a creep.
I’ve been succeeding
In lots of ways,
And I’ll be out of the bathroom
One of these days…
Filed under Poems
Daylight “Savings”
We lost one hour
When we got out of bed.
Next year let’s do it
On a Monday instead.
Filed under Poems
Don’t Talk To Strangers, AKA Board Games
I walked up to a stranger
And promptly said “I’m bored.”
Turns out he’s a genie.
“I’ve heard your wish, my lord.”
Alas, the genie’s spelling
Was unfortunately poor,
And that’s the tale of how
I became a two-by-four.
Filed under Poems
A Trainer’s Life
I was taking a walk
Down route 123
When I saw you
Turn and look towards me.
As our eyes met
It was just like they said,
Like an exclamation point
Flashed over your head
And then you walked toward me
And called through the air:
“I like shorts! They’re comfy
And easy to wear.”
And then you attacked me
With your slave-monster pets.
I took all your money
And I have no regrets
Because I’m the greatest
Like no figure in lore.
That’s why you don’t
Make eye contact anymore.
Filed under Poems
Emotion
I’m crying like an onion
At a family reunion,
Laughing like a hyena
Listening to itself laugh,
Questioning everything
Like a / with a stuck shift-key,
Floating like a butterfly,
Stinging like the aftermath
Of an inadvisable romantic encounter.
Chick flicks, eh?
Filed under Poems
1040-eHarmony
Internet dating
And income taxes
Are emotionally the same.
There’s little fun
In either one,
And both will cause you pain.
No one says
“I’ve made enough
“And I’m happy to contribute
“To an elite few
“Who’ll give to you
My wealth to redistribute.”
Likewise, those
Who go online
To stop their solo-selfie habit
Will seldom say
“She looks ok.
“I just hope we don’t kill the rabbit.”
Instead, you
Fill out some forms
Which make you very bored.
A silent alarm
Says “this may cause harm,
“But chances are you’ll be ignored.”
You look closely
For line 1F,
It’s gone, but you search some more,
Then you say “good enough”
To five digits of fluff
(Or for poets like me, prob’ly four).
And then your attention
Goes all out
On trying to attractively answer
“What makes you feel alright
“On a Saturday night?”
When the truth’s “writing poems about Cancer.”
And when you’re finished
You feel exposed
And tired from each number and letter,
But you won’t go to jail
Or with sexy toys flail.
Now there, don’t we all feel better?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 