Sometimes I take a bath
To ease the stress of taxation.
I fill the tub with herbs
Such as thyme for relaxation.
Tag Archives: Silly
Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor
Filed under Poems
Guess What I Did This Afternoon!
When arguing online you do
Your foe may fail to convince you,
May reject logic, spew rhetoric,
And end up looking pathetic,
May cite false studies, make up a fact,
Surrender any façade of tact,
May display no virtue and every sin,
But alas, my friend, you still won’t win.
Filed under Poems
Advice Is Appreciated
Don’t want to marry just some girl.
I’m looking for a wholesome girl.
A girl whose lack of cleavage
Warms my big platonic heart.
A girl who thinks that working’s
Not synonymous with twerking.
A girl who skips the bar
Because she wants to look at art.
I want to find a happy lass
Who doesn’t want to shake her ass,
Who goes to church on Sundays
And buys ice cream from a truck,
Who’s pure and chaste and sweet
And, instead of “lit,” says “neat.”
But I also want Beyonce,
So I’m feeling kinda stuck…
Filed under Poems
A New Rainbow Awakens
I’m feeling kinda down
Like a king without a crown.
I’m cowardly, as yellow as they come.
I’ve read like half a million books
By a bunch of chefs and cooks
But about sustainability I’m still dumb.
I thought maybe I’d fit in
If I changed my skin
But this spray-tan makes me look like that guy on the news.
You put it all together
In the rain or sunny weather…
I’ve got the well-read, not-green, yellow, orangey-white guy blues.
Filed under Poems
The Sentiment Is True Of Most Art, Actually
Poetry
Is like a knee;
It certainly has it’s place
But we’ll agree
Whether poem or knee
It’s better off not in your face.
Filed under Poems
Reel Me In Baby
When I’m with you
The sun shines brighter,
The water’s warmer,
My body’s lighter.
When I’m with you
I am flavorful, raw.
I just wish you’d get rid of
This hook in my jaw!
Filed under Poems
Why Poems Make Bad Horror Movie Adaptations
Imagine a street,
Dark and quiet.
Something moves
But you can’t quite spy it…
Dissonant soundtrack
Fades to naught
And from the dark…
GIANT SATANIC CLOWN ROBOT!!!
Yeah… jump scare loses something…
Filed under Poems
*Snaps Fingers* Quit Ignoring Me!
Some days you’re “E” as in Excellent,
Some days you’re “A” as in Awesome,
Some days we’re together, just “U” and “I,”
But this morning I’m “O” for Opossum.
Filed under Poems
Maybe That Someone Spoke Truthfully After All
Someone called me “Nincompoop”
Which didn’t seem fair to me.
Alas, that someone only laughed
When I called him “Nincompee.”
Filed under Poems
My Worst Pun Ever… Turn Your Sound Up
If you’re brazen as a basilisk,
Audacious as a drake,
Cocky as a colossus,
Saucy as a snake,
If a wyvern wouldn’t scare you
And a wyrm won’t give you palsy
Then my compliments to you dear friend
‘Cause you are this.
Filed under Poems
