I left an item in a shopping cart
Seven years ago.
I still get advertisements to this day.
I wish I were so smart
That I could only know
How to make my hairline work that way.
Tag Archives: Silly
A Travesty Guide To The Identification Of Wild Berries
Blackberries have thorns
And grow up in the wild.
Whiteberries are bad at basketball
And their bathrooms are well tiled.
Asianberries have good grades
Which means they understand
That whiteberries are not a thing
And this poem got out of hand.
Filed under Poems
The Consequences Of Bad Parenting
Where once there was a monument
There’s now some mossy rubble.
The world was once a peaceful place
But now’s awash with trouble.
The air is filled with fire
And the sky is full of ash
Because your six-year-old ignored you
When you said “Don’t do anything rash.”
Filed under Poems
Sort Of An Umbrella Poem About… Well, You Get It
Sometimes a banana is just a banana
And a tree is just a big, stiff, and girthy
And if you don’t know how torpedos fit in
Then your mind has yet to become worthy.
Filed under Poems
I Am Become Dum Dum Tss *Xylophone Noises*
Sometimes I wonder about the guy
Who took the default background photos
Or composed the ringtones for the popular phones
Or wrote the “you’re on hold” jazz
And I wonder if they are proud
Or ashamed of what they’ve created,
Sort of like the nuclear bomb
But without the violence
And they can watch anime in peace.
I Could Go On, But I Don’t Want To Peacock
I wish we called colors by animal names
Because it’s infinitely more awesome
To paint a car shark instead of just grey
Or pour cream ‘til your coffee is possum.
Filed under Poems
Softball Questions
There once was a baseball glove
Who, with a human, fell in love.
You may doubt, but I’ll confirm it:
They lived together, but he’s a her mitt.
Filed under Poems
The Other Opening Was For “End Of Days Rituals Inc.
I got a job at the olive oil factory
And my coworker is a nun.
Now they can write “Extra Virgin” again
‘Cause for a while they just had one.
Filed under Poems
My Foreign Policy Platform
I think instead of buying tanks
We should hire children
To run around with pool noodles
And speak in Italian to people
Who are unhappy
Because America deserves happiness
And we have to spend $33 trillion on something.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 