Tag Archives: Baseball

Trouble In Baltimore

My child asked me this morning

“If hitting is bad,

“How come people hit baseballs?”

Then he flew away.

I later discovered

He was not my child at all.

It was an oriole in disguise.

His sudden aversion to hitting

Makes sense now.

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My Friday Night

I took me out to a ball game,

Alas, to one with a crowd.

There they sold peanuts and alcohol

‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.

There I learned baseball tactics

And how to play the game right

From a screaming drunk woman

Who looked like a dark alley at night.

“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.

“Throw a strike” later came.

Then was “Make people stop not getting out

“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”

It turns out this lady’s cheerleading

Did lead the home team to win

So if you’re still an Orioles fan

Bud Light’s a good place to begin.

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My Little League Career

Like the full moon’s silhouette

In the cloudless morning sky

The baseball whispered through the air

And smacked me in the eye.

It’s not a good analogy

Nor a comfortable event

But it gets the basic point across

Of how the ballgame went.

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Why I Love Baseball

“Batter Up!” The umpire yelled,

And then he screamed in fright

As the crowd smeared uncooked pancakes on themselves

And ran off into the night.

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Modern Sports

Thwunk!

Up goes the ball.

Oooh!

Up goes the excitement.

Aaaah!

Uo goes the hot dog guy into the ambulance.

Click!

Up go the youtube views.

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One Loss, Two Thoughts

It’s not my fault! It was the sun!

Some dust got in my eyes!

The ump said ball. It was a strike.

This game is naught but lies!

We said good game, but it was not.

We’re better anyway.

Their uniforms are lower class.

Their coach is probably gay.

_________________________

We lost it all. I missed the catch

Eleven innings in,

My glove an inch from victory,

A mile from a win.

Thus we nine fallen warriors

Shook hands with better men,

And so we slept among our tears

And rose to fight again.

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Field of Dreams

Today our team faces the Knights

In a thrilling afternoon match.

The Knights are undefeated

And have never missed a catch.

The sky is blue, the grass is green,

The clouds are fluffy white.

The weather report says “chance of rain”

And I’m praying that it’s right.

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