Tag Archives: Baseball

Tennis: 15, Baseball: Love (Football 6 +1 or +2)

The people writing the baseball rulebook

Really wrote down things like:

“When you throw a ball and it isn’t a ball

But it doesn’t get hit it’s a strike.”

But the people who wrote the tennis book

Just smiled, or so says the lore,

When they revealed their brand new way

To calculate the score.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Hey Batter Batter…

I’m my softball league’s head chef;

For optimal nutrition

I like to make a Bundt cake

To get guys in a scoring position.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Trouble In Baltimore

My child asked me this morning

“If hitting is bad,

“How come people hit baseballs?”

Then he flew away.

I later discovered

He was not my child at all.

It was an oriole in disguise.

His sudden aversion to hitting

Makes sense now.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Friday Night

I took me out to a ball game,

Alas, to one with a crowd.

There they sold peanuts and alcohol

‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.

There I learned baseball tactics

And how to play the game right

From a screaming drunk woman

Who looked like a dark alley at night.

“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.

“Throw a strike” later came.

Then was “Make people stop not getting out

“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”

It turns out this lady’s cheerleading

Did lead the home team to win

So if you’re still an Orioles fan

Bud Light’s a good place to begin.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Little League Career

Like the full moon’s silhouette

In the cloudless morning sky

The baseball whispered through the air

And smacked me in the eye.

It’s not a good analogy

Nor a comfortable event

But it gets the basic point across

Of how the ballgame went.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Why I Love Baseball

“Batter Up!” The umpire yelled,

And then he screamed in fright

As the crowd smeared uncooked pancakes on themselves

And ran off into the night.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Modern Sports


Up goes the ball.


Up goes the excitement.


Uo goes the hot dog guy into the ambulance.


Up go the youtube views.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

One Loss, Two Thoughts

It’s not my fault! It was the sun!

Some dust got in my eyes!

The ump said ball. It was a strike.

This game is naught but lies!

We said good game, but it was not.

We’re better anyway.

Their uniforms are lower class.

Their coach is probably gay.


We lost it all. I missed the catch

Eleven innings in,

My glove an inch from victory,

A mile from a win.

Thus we nine fallen warriors

Shook hands with better men,

And so we slept among our tears

And rose to fight again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Field of Dreams

Today our team faces the Knights

In a thrilling afternoon match.

The Knights are undefeated

And have never missed a catch.

The sky is blue, the grass is green,

The clouds are fluffy white.

The weather report says “chance of rain”

And I’m praying that it’s right.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Butter and Baseball

I am a designated hitter,
But I find my batting’s better
Than when I was avoiding butter
Trying to earn a varsity letter.

So perhaps this serves to show us
Maybe butter betters batting
And that chugging before slugging
Has effects besides the fatting,

But butter-bettered batting
Causes blatantly bungled bunting.
Perhaps my solution
Requires a bit of better hunting.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems