Whoever decided “Present”
Should mean both “gift” and “now”
As well as “here” like “I am here”
And “here” like “take this cow”
Should be presented with a present
If they’re present in the present
‘Cause their presence in the past
Makes the present present as unpleasant.
I’m starting out the new year
By achieving my daily goals
Like writing my daily poetry
And avoiding benzimidazoles.
And yes, my new goals do include
Some oddly specific stuff
But that’s the sacrifice we make
Because rhyming is tough.
Filed under Poems
There was an unwanted doodad
That everyone figured was bad
But just for today
We can send it your way
For 10% off. Aren’t you glad?
Filed under Poems
Who decided that “Nunchaku”
Should be pronounced like “Numb Chucks?”
I assume it’s some translator,
But they’re almost certainly dunfaku.
Filed under Poems
Happy Birthday dude!
Here’s cash you can only spend
Somewhere you don’t go.
Filed under Poems
If you’re struggling in your career
Give Hollywood a call
Because there’s no script for a 67 movie yet
And they’ll take anything at all.
Filed under Poems
The upside of the “6-7” trend
Is that it may show the unheralded end
Of kids saying “420-69”
Which makes me feel better than fine.
Filed under Poems
So we can’t pay employees
Who keep on working hard
Despite a shut-down government
With a maxed-out credit card
And yet we pay the people
Who got us in this mess
With money that we do not have?
‘Murica, I guess…
Filed under Poems
So paper towels are made from trees
And killing tree will kill the Earth
So to save more trees and thus the planet
We must have a towel dispenser rebirth:
Henceforth no towel dispenser shall
Give more than a three-inch sheet.
Of course you can use it unlimited times.
Isn’t saving the planet neat?
Filed under Poems
I could park my truck
And walk up to the house
And place a package on the door
Or hand it to a spouse.
I also have the option
To relive my high school ways
And chuck a 40-yard touchdown
With whatever peasants buy these days…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 