Tag Archives: Stupid

When You Have A Punchline But It’s Four Syllables Long…

Step one: Be God’s son

Step two: Write on stone tablets

And Step three: Prophet!

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[Insert That One Guy Here]

His heart was as big as a pop-up ad

On a movie you watch on your phone.

His mind was as big as the X in the corner

That tells it to leave you alone.

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New To Alaska?

The air was full of mosquitoes

And someone gave me a spray:

“It’s called mosquito repellant

“And it keeps the bugs away.”

I put it on my body

And away went all my cares.

Now I’m going to try the spray

For repelling the bears!

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Well, That Escalated Quickly…

If someone stomps a snail to death,

Then snails burn down a city,

Why is that conducive to

Making people think snails aren’t shitty?

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It’s Not The Size… It’s The Personality

Here’s to all the porcupines

Who smile from behind their spines.

How they reproduce may you-befuddle,

As might how, afterwards, they cuddle.

One thing that I know for certain

Is neither partner ends up hurtin’

Which is more than I can say

For every woman I’ve had. Yay!

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Do It Already!

Close my eyes and listen

To the gently falling rain,

Wishing all the while

That you, dear reader, will refrain

From noticing the fact

That I made a mistake,

For this poem is a command.

What a difference “I” can make…

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An Eggxcellent… Oh, Nevermind…

I meant to write a verse that’s funny

Involving Jesus and a bunny.

Alas, the laughter all was cheap

And so I left without a peep.

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But Is It Wearing A Pasta Strainer?

If you’re rude to the people

Who print drivers’ licenses

They have a pretty cool trick:

They take a photo

Of your face

But actually it’s a dick pic.

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Not The Solution We Need, But The Solution We Deserve…

Thousands of New Yorkers

Are dying every day,

Yet no one has the courage

To step on up and say

“Send every smart-mouthed teenager

“Some radioactive Purell.”

We could have superheroes by now

But the government says “Oh well…”

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I Was So Upset, I Didn’t Even Write the Next 2.5 Stanzas!

A man sold me some wood the other day.

He said “This is the best you’ll ever get.”

But when I set the wood on fire I saw

Cars painted on the sides, and knew ’twas shit.

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