Tag Archives: Stupid

November 18, 2023 · 6:39 pm

Watching The News

I, for one, am grateful

That 24 hours a day

I can turn a TV on

And learn I’m not ok

‘Cause someone in another state

Is angry and insisted

That the government fix an issue

That I didn’t know existed.

I’m glad I can be angry

On demand, and also wary

Now that I know a deadly thing

Is affirmed as “very scary”.

I’m also glad these stations

Are translated totally free

To whatever political language

Is most offensive to me!

We’re lucky seven corporations

Tell us the woes of corporate greed

While insuring that we’re well-informed

About what brand-name crap we need.

Anyway, I’m done complaining!

Now excuse me as I go

To learn about the trans kids

Swimming here from Mexico.

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November 14, 2023 · 6:19 pm

My New Fitness Plan

Some people think that spending

Forty bucks a month or so

For exercising at a gym

Is just the way to go.

I think that cancelling the gym

Is the same as getting paid

Forty bucks a month to not

Work out. I’ve got it made!

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November 13, 2023 · 7:30 pm

Hunter’s Ted Talk

Remember when we were in grade school

And the winner of every fight

Wasn’t the guy who said “I have infinity”

But “I have infinity plus one”, right?

Well yesterday my boss said “You’re fired”

And I said “No, I’m infinity fired plus one”

And now I’m on the board of directors

And also the president’s son!

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November 9, 2023 · 6:21 pm

Jacques Strap? (Comment A Better Title… I Dare You)

They called me “french-fry fingers”

‘Cause I’m just that bad at bowling.

See, oil gets all over the ball

After it starts a rolling.

Then it hits the bowling pins

And knocks down one or two.

Emotionally salty, physically oily,

And that’s why. Comprenez-vous?

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November 8, 2023 · 8:25 pm

What, You Expected A Point?

If a “house plant” is a thing

A “home tree” should be too,

As should a “duplex flower”

And “skyscraper bamboo.”

But perhaps my favorite combo

(The others are still great though)

Is either “Airbnb broccoli”

Or else “hovel tomato”.

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November 7, 2023 · 4:47 pm

On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)

It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.

There really is near nothing to it

As long as you don’t care what they name us

And don’t care if you need to live through it.

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November 6, 2023 · 5:31 pm

Still Better Than The Crap You Read In High School

I was sick of using imagination

So I Googled “Poetry Inspiration”.

The website said “Write a poem about

“Blue sand and red crabs.”

Thus: Two crabs, clad in vermillion

Brought in cash about a million

And they bought the really good stuff

That they make in science labs.

They cut it with their claws

And broke like fifty laws

But by the end their point of view

Was “Drugs are good and sand is blue”.

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November 2, 2023 · 12:57 pm

Why I Love Asian Food

I was warming a bowl of alphabet soup

‘Cause I’m a grown up, and I can

When I looked down and wondered aloud

“Why’s there so much broth in my pan?”

Now I could add noodles and call it a day

But I felt, toward that fix, an aversion,

So instead I went shopping for a new can

And this time got the Japanese version.

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September 25, 2023 · 6:03 pm

When Your Wife Meets The Minotaur And Has To Give Birth In An Echoey Cave

Mary had a little lamb

Little lamb

Little lamb…

Mary had a little lamb

And the obstetrician fainted

Fainted

Fainted…

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September 21, 2023 · 8:20 pm

See? This Is Why All We See Are Stupid Moths!

The monarch butterfly revealed

It’s gold and ebony splendor,

The ruler with antennas fair

And wings both strong and tender.

Alas, his reign was shortened

When he came upon a boy

Who thought his wings were pretty

And he’d make a worthy toy.

The boy absconded with the bug

Who ruled the butterflies

And in a box of colorful corpses

Does now his body lie.

So I decry the practice

Of collecting bugs and lobby

That only spiders be collected

By those who hold this hobby.

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