No matter how bad a day you had
You’re not as bad off as the guy
Who made an SOS out of rocks beneath the overpass
In case a savior might fly by.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Prequels Be Like:
What if somebody made a hot dog
But instead of a bun, he
Put a couple of crackers
That tasted like honey
And instead of ketchup
Put chocolate so melty
But something was missing,
Because everyone felt he
Was not doing service
To a long piece of meat
So he replaced the hot dog
With a puffy white treat
Perfectly toasted
Over glowing red coals?
Perhaps I’ll add that
To my recipe goals…
Filed under Poems
Art
Art.
Art is when your self-expression
Is super meaningful and deep
In a way that nobody else understands.
It doesn’t rhyme
Or look like reality
Or sell in Peoria
(Or anywhere else for that matter).
It has imagery in it
Like “Salty red horse”
Or “Spider fingers”
That evoke people’s minds
But don’t make them think.
Art is for people who feel
Or who have a lot of money
That they need to launder
And also lots of wall space.
Art.
Carrier pigeon with orange sauce.
Filed under Poems
HUMAN VS CATERPILLAR… THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN 💥💣🌋🐛
From the Earth arises, soft,
The tiny caterpillar
Which, to the baby bird, will serve
As a tiny belly filler.
The baby birds grow big and strong
And humans shoot and eat ‘em
And that is why the caterpillar
Will never defeat ‘em.
Filed under Poems
Preview of the State of the Union, 2023
Socks suck!
That’s an absolute fact.
They make your feet sweaty
And fail to attract.
They’re itchy and tubular,
Brown, black, and white
But if paired with some sandals
I guess they’re alright…
Filed under Poems
Refute My Logic, I Dare You
Plants are stupid.
Animals are too.
They score poorly
On a test of IQ.
Humans are stupid,
But not as bad as plants
Because they guess more frequently
And benefit from chance.
Filed under Poems
Yeah… No Comment
This poem isn’t very deep
Because I need to fall asleep.
Tomorrow I’ll do it earlier,
Like a man who goes to the gym at 5:00 AM to get burlier.
Filed under Poems
The Downside Of A Big Cock
If chickens were the size of whales
We’d cure hunger with one egg.
No one would ever starve again
Or ever have to beg.
We’d have a peaceful planet
With everything we need
Until we learn the bitter truth:
We’d soon be chicken feed…
Some Assembly Required
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Though it was obvious Humpty would die
Still the king said, “Give the horses a try!”
Filed under Poems
Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)
Mercury is number one,
Venus is where women are from,
Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,
Jupiter is the color of plum,
Saturn has a bunch of rings,
Uranus is full of gas and things,
Neptune’s famed for icy springs,
And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.
But you probably noticed the dearth
Of a line about the Earth
Because it is devoid of mirth
And is the only planet with Colin Firth.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 