Pixie dust and fairy farts,
Princess hair and fey Walmarts:
Some came from a movie I loved as a kid.
The others are movies that Disney just did.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Because “You’re Beautiful Just The Way You Are, And The Right Man Will Love You Forever” Is A Bigoted, Misogynist Message
Filed under Poems
Sometimes Inspiration Doesn’t Help
There once was a writer’s-blocked poet
Who needed to write but didn’t want to blow it.
He Googled “poetry prompt generator”
And five minutes later
Took a photo of the prompt, and here he will show it:
Filed under Poems
Pixar Lamp Has A New Rival
By chance a man died at a hardware store.
He dropped hundreds of lamps all over the floor.
Detectives had no idea how he ended up dead
But then a light bulb popped over their head!
Filed under Poems
If Only The British Had An Army Of Sentient Bears, America Might Never Have Existed #ThingsFootballTaughtMe
One day in ye olde Boston faire
Some guys had a tea party there.
Then some bears mauled them… mean!
33 to 14
And yeah, the analogy ends there.
Filed under Poems
Great Historical Figures Deserve Better Than This, But I Wrote It Anyway
There once was a mom from Calcutta
Who was sweeter than suga or butta.
Even she had no mercy
For those born in Jersey
So Jersey boys pray to King Tutta.
Filed under Poems
Thursday Night Football
There once were some Illinois Bears
Who played the ex-redskins by O’hare.
They punted and punted
And punted and punted
And who the heck actually cares?
Filed under Poems
Boy Howdy… I Mean, Um, They Howdy?
There once was a child from Gestalt
Who thought mean words equaled assault.
Someone said “You are male.”
Now that sayer’s in jail
And I ponder who’s really at fault.
Filed under Poems
Yes, I Stayed Home And Ate Ice Cream Tonight… Why Do You Ask?
I love you like a cat loves a laser
Or a box or a chair or a lap
Or a keyboard, a pillow, in front of the door,
Or wherever else it takes a nap.
I love you like a cat loves to poop
And the bury its crap in the sand,
And its talking like this that makes men like me
In relentless romantic demand.
Filed under Poems
Based On Actual Song Lyrics
Doowop, doowop.
Doowop bebop shadooby.
Wicky-wicky, chicka-chicka,
Doowoppa scooby dooby.
Boobop, baddop,
Badoppawop pizazz!
If you think this poem’s stupid
Then you REALLY must hate jazz.
Filed under Poems
SERIOUSLY?
‘Twas 31 days before Halloween
And all through the shops
Christmas music was playing…
Should I call the cops?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 