They said man wouldn’t walk on the moon
But a few brave souls proved them wrong.
People still pay to see an opera by Wagner
That’s more than 24 hours long.
People say “finding your passion” is silly
But it sounds like a solid idea to me.
But we’ll never have a Jurassic Park movie
Featuring common sense and decent security.
Filed under Poems
You say I have privilege
Because I’m male and white.
You call me uninformed
Because I don’t think you’re right.
You can have my privilege too.
All you must do to try it
Is to move out of the cities
Where “recreation” means “to riot.”
You can disagree with me
While you drink another beer
Thanks to taxes paid by this poet
Making 4-figures a year.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere around fifth grade
I asked myself why
I should work to make money
‘Til I get sick and die.
So I sought counter-culture,
Tried to listen to rap
But found “counter-culture”
Espoused the same crap.
Fight club was edgy
But I don’t like fighting.
MGTOW was compelling
But I’m fond of white-knighting.
So here I was, trapped
Between primness and zeal
Before I found out
That’s what most people feel.
The thug life chose me
But because I abhor it
I friend-zoned the thug life
And we’re both better for it.
Filed under Poems
Wherefore do we seek a verse
From yonder parent, babe, or nurse
To instruct us in verbal mosaic
Both obfuscatory and archaic?
Wherefore, also I must ask,
Do we encourage such a task
Except to inhabit the proverbial sack
With those who a Y chromosome lack?
And yet contests and prizes plenty
Abound for verses-sentimenty.
Especially now that need of a bard
Is largely supplanted by the Hallmark card.
Filed under Poems
No liars are more common than those
Who support their thoughts with “a study shows.”
You’ll likely find, with some frustration,
These studies lack any citation.
For every “yes” a study may show
A different study somehow finds “no.”
Those who cry about the news
Do their fair share of pick-and-choose.
Filed under Poems
If you met a murderous clown
When you’re out for a night on the town
And they bought you a drink
What do you think?
Should you take it or turn Snuggles down?
Filed under Poems
Somewhere between the lobby
And my destination floor
The elevator chose
Not to move up anymore.
Perhaps the lift malfunctioned
When the console met my fists
But hey, no more classic rock
With jazzy little twists!
Filed under Poems
We give men all the power
And we see it misused
In the eyes of the women
Who we find abused.
We give women the power
And all over the nation
Are innocent men
Ruined by false accusation.
Whoever’s in power
And however they’re dressed
We find both men and women
Are most often distressed.
When you talk about power
And forget about “who”
To look at the “what”
Then you’ll know what to do.
Filed under Poems
With a voice like something crushed between a bagpipe warming up
And an elephant gargling human teeth, kevlar, and 7-Up
She turned her face towards me (which neither she nor I enjoyed)
And said “Thank you for listening. That was “Hey you” by Pink Floyd.”
Filed under Poems
America is like Halo:
It started out with violence
And an independent spirit
Fighting an immortal empire
Who knew well that we’d fear it.
Then the beloved sequel came
And we gave up the slaves we stole,
Fought a battle on both sides
To forge our true united soul.
Then came history’s “Halo 3”
Which was forgettable all in all,
Clearly not its glorious peak
But it hadn’t hit the wall.
When the Vietnam years came
Thus started Halo 4
Where we spat on our own soldiers
Drafted into pointless war.
Now here we are in Halo 5
Where profit is the king,
Equality is an afterthought
And everything’s covered in bling.
We who love the franchise past,
The Halo 1’s and 2’s
Who love America in spirit
Not America in the news
Look hopefully at the future
While feeling kind of vexed
Wondering what the powers that be
Will inevitably screw up next.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 