Tag Archives: True Story

Poems from My Vacation 3 – Elevator Mullet Kid

Some folks take vacations

To get away from work,

But for one young man employment

Was instead a travel perk.

He spent all seven cruising days

Inside an elevator.

His parents said he shouldn’t be,

But he surprised them later

By pulling out the wads of cash

(Not tips – donations, see?)

Gifted to him by cruisers

On the Ovation of the Sea.

We never learned his name,

Or why he chose vacation there.

We only knew his silly grin

And even sillier hair.

So here’s to you, cruise mullet kid

Who helped us get around!

Whenever you turn 21

We’ll all buy you a round.

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Poems from My Vacation 2 – Blackjack

There we were upon the sea

And looking for some fun.

We got a wad of dollar bills

To go play 21.

We sat upon a padded stool

And bet our livelihood.

Some hands didn’t go so well

(As math suggests it should).

However, one fine gentleman

Who couldn’t hear a word

Was tipping well the dealer

And flipping math the bird.

Overall we lost a bit

But had a lot of fun.

Also, I know why cruise ships

Don’t let you pack a gun.

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It Was This Or Eight Pre-Scheduled Haikus

There once was a poet (that’s me)

Who’s vacationing tomorrow at sea.

I’ll be gone a week, and lack

Internet access (Alack!)

So I won’t publish for a while. Sorry!

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The Little Things

You know when you’re eating the pasta

That’s shaped liked a little wheat shell

And they stick on your tongue while you eat them

And you feel like the whole world is well?

Or how ‘bout when you’re dehydrated

And your pee is all yellow and bright

And the pee-water gets kinda cloudy

And you flush and it all feels alright?

I like that just-popped-a-zit feeling

And that “earwax is washed away” calm.

It’s just me? That may be, but I’m hoping

You find your own commonplace balm.

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Soulmates

My wife is on the sofa

Running through the golden grass

Trying to catch an Eevee

Which is a real pain in the ass.

She’s been doing this for hours,

A frustrating type of zen

And I feel like she’s living out

My childhood again.

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An Interview With Our Water Heater Last Night

They told me “Sit in the basement”.

They asked me to heat their water.

They failed to think of what happens

If my willpower starts to totter,

If the pressure gets to be too much

And I blow my top all over them.

Well, I’ll show them a hard time

Tomorrow morning at 4:00ish AM!

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In This Game The Unicorn Gives Her Money To Go To The Dream World…

There once was a woman (my wife)

Who experienced female strife.

I bought her “Unicorn Princess” for the switch

And now she’s not so much of a… stressed person

And what is going on with my life?

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Based On The Date This Was Published, You Know My Answer

April seventeenth

Is national haiku day.

Do you give a crap?

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But… The Metaphors?

“This movie is great, I promise”.

Those were the words I said.

Then I remembered that one scene

Where they shot the dude in the head

And the bit with the serial killer

And the… actually, never mind.

Maybe next time we’ll watch a movie

That you happen to find.

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Tuesday

Have you ever tried fried brain?

It can be a real strain

But better in your skull than to

Be served upon a plate to you.

I have a fried brain right now

And an IQ comparable to a cow

And to avoid having the IQ of a sheep

I bid you adieu and falleth asleep.

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