There once were olympics in Paris
Whose food service tends to embarrass.
They said “Earth’s getting hot!
“Eat le meat you will not
“But you’ll have un grande vue from the terrace.”
Tag Archives: True Story
Poems from My Vacation 3 – Elevator Mullet Kid
Some folks take vacations
To get away from work,
But for one young man employment
Was instead a travel perk.
He spent all seven cruising days
Inside an elevator.
His parents said he shouldn’t be,
But he surprised them later
By pulling out the wads of cash
(Not tips – donations, see?)
Gifted to him by cruisers
On the Ovation of the Sea.
We never learned his name,
Or why he chose vacation there.
We only knew his silly grin
And even sillier hair.
So here’s to you, cruise mullet kid
Who helped us get around!
Whenever you turn 21
We’ll all buy you a round.
Filed under Poems
Poems from My Vacation 2 – Blackjack
There we were upon the sea
And looking for some fun.
We got a wad of dollar bills
To go play 21.
We sat upon a padded stool
And bet our livelihood.
Some hands didn’t go so well
(As math suggests it should).
However, one fine gentleman
Who couldn’t hear a word
Was tipping well the dealer
And flipping math the bird.
Overall we lost a bit
But had a lot of fun.
Also, I know why cruise ships
Don’t let you pack a gun.
Filed under Poems
It Was This Or Eight Pre-Scheduled Haikus
There once was a poet (that’s me)
Who’s vacationing tomorrow at sea.
I’ll be gone a week, and lack
Internet access (Alack!)
So I won’t publish for a while. Sorry!
Filed under Poems
The Little Things
You know when you’re eating the pasta
That’s shaped liked a little wheat shell
And they stick on your tongue while you eat them
And you feel like the whole world is well?
Or how ‘bout when you’re dehydrated
And your pee is all yellow and bright
And the pee-water gets kinda cloudy
And you flush and it all feels alright?
I like that just-popped-a-zit feeling
And that “earwax is washed away” calm.
It’s just me? That may be, but I’m hoping
You find your own commonplace balm.
Filed under Poems
Soulmates
My wife is on the sofa
Running through the golden grass
Trying to catch an Eevee
Which is a real pain in the ass.
She’s been doing this for hours,
A frustrating type of zen
And I feel like she’s living out
My childhood again.
Filed under Poems
An Interview With Our Water Heater Last Night
They told me “Sit in the basement”.
They asked me to heat their water.
They failed to think of what happens
If my willpower starts to totter,
If the pressure gets to be too much
And I blow my top all over them.
Well, I’ll show them a hard time
Tomorrow morning at 4:00ish AM!
Filed under Poems
In This Game The Unicorn Gives Her Money To Go To The Dream World…
There once was a woman (my wife)
Who experienced female strife.
I bought her “Unicorn Princess” for the switch
And now she’s not so much of a… stressed person
And what is going on with my life?
Filed under Poems
Based On The Date This Was Published, You Know My Answer
April seventeenth
Is national haiku day.
Do you give a crap?
Filed under Poems
But… The Metaphors?
“This movie is great, I promise”.
Those were the words I said.
Then I remembered that one scene
Where they shot the dude in the head
And the bit with the serial killer
And the… actually, never mind.
Maybe next time we’ll watch a movie
That you happen to find.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 