Sitting by the fire
And my Seahawks won today.
Long day, short poem.
Tag Archives: Truth
Art School Pays Off
Today I drew a cat.
Everyone said “Nice pig.”
They recognized it was an animal
Which, progress-wise, I think is big!
Filed under Poems
Buy My Books Now Before They Go On Sale And Lose All Of Their Value
Money’s more expensive now,
And so are milk and bread.
Your rent’s gone through the roof this year
And it’s hard to keep your head.
You might think that stocks and bonds
Are good spots for your money,
But you are wrong! The best investment
Is poetry that’s funny!
For instance, look at all the folks
Who lost their homes this year.
They didn’t buy a book of verse
But spent their cash on beer,
And I think Queen Elizabeth
Would be alive today
If she’d just read one lousy poem
Published every day!
So do it for your health and wealth
And the queen’s legacy:
Read the crap I publish here
And oh! The results you’ll see!
Filed under Poems
Love Y’all, Good Night
I wrote 92 haikus on Tuesday
That apparently nobody read.
If you’re unsatisfied with this poem
Go read some of that crap instead.
Filed under Poems
Man’s Real Best Friend
Everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
That smiles when you hug it or throw it or yank it;
It can soothe pain and dry off your tears
And it does so for free over hundreds of years.
When Summer is hot and you lie on the grass
It holds all your food and keeps bugs off your ass.
When Winter is cold and the sky is all gray
The blanket will escort the darkness away.
A blanket can act as a robe in a bind
And a tangle of blankets can help you unwind.
Yes, everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
So next time you see one, remember to thank it.
Filed under Poems
*Grunt, Impale Worm On Hook, Lifelong Companion*
Women will talk to their friends
About what their friends would say
If they knew what someone whose not their friend
Said “Hi” instead of “Hey”.
They’ll whisper all about a person’s
Clothes or hair or walk.
Guys don’t have this problem
Because male friends don’t talk.
Guess What I’m Doing After Writing This?
When someone says “When was your last shower”
And you honestly can’t remember
That’s what most folks call “disgusting.”
I call it “September”.
Filed under Poems
My Kind Of Superpower
Have you ever noticed
How a cat can lie down
On any surface at all
And just go to town,
Floppy, relaxed,
Happy as can be
On the edge of a bed
Or the top of a TV?
I wish I had the power
To flop anywhere
And be totally comfy
And free of all care
But instead I’m in bed now
And my heart rate is spiking
Because my pillow’s a little
Too warm for my liking…
Filed under Poems
The 11.5th Man
Today I watched a once great team
Catch on fire, but die as steam,
Lead on offense by a bust
Who makes us say “In Smith We Trust.”
On the flip side now I know
How Michael Jackson puts on a show.
Do we suck? Yeah, probably!
But I still love the hawks, so whee!
Filed under Poems
Seriously… It’s On I-5 Exit 135. Now THAT Is Optimism
No matter how bad a day you had
You’re not as bad off as the guy
Who made an SOS out of rocks beneath the overpass
In case a savior might fly by.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 