Today we got to experience twice
The hour of 1:00 AM.
As hours go, it was very nice
And my sleep was remarkably REM.
Tomorrow I get to experience once
The hour of butt-crack-of-dawn
So I sign off this poem with the word “dunce”
And a working man’s 8:00 PM yawn.
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Today I drove a long, long way.
Tomorrow I got to the dentist.
That’s why this poem is short,
As if written by the poet’s apprentice.
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I remember when saying “Thank you Ma’am”
Was polite, not a micro-aggression.
I recall when when “Boys and girls”
Was how you called kids to attention.
I was there when, instead of a mask,
We taught kids to cover their cough.
Now I work and stay quiet ‘cause I can’t deny
It is nice to still get summers off.
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Sitting by the fire
And my Seahawks won today.
Long day, short poem.
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Today I drew a cat.
Everyone said “Nice pig.”
They recognized it was an animal
Which, progress-wise, I think is big!
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Money’s more expensive now,
And so are milk and bread.
Your rent’s gone through the roof this year
And it’s hard to keep your head.
You might think that stocks and bonds
Are good spots for your money,
But you are wrong! The best investment
Is poetry that’s funny!
For instance, look at all the folks
Who lost their homes this year.
They didn’t buy a book of verse
But spent their cash on beer,
And I think Queen Elizabeth
Would be alive today
If she’d just read one lousy poem
Published every day!
So do it for your health and wealth
And the queen’s legacy:
Read the crap I publish here
And oh! The results you’ll see!
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I wrote 92 haikus on Tuesday
That apparently nobody read.
If you’re unsatisfied with this poem
Go read some of that crap instead.
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Everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
That smiles when you hug it or throw it or yank it;
It can soothe pain and dry off your tears
And it does so for free over hundreds of years.
When Summer is hot and you lie on the grass
It holds all your food and keeps bugs off your ass.
When Winter is cold and the sky is all gray
The blanket will escort the darkness away.
A blanket can act as a robe in a bind
And a tangle of blankets can help you unwind.
Yes, everyone needs a big fluffy blanket
So next time you see one, remember to thank it.
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Women will talk to their friends
About what their friends would say
If they knew what someone whose not their friend
Said “Hi” instead of “Hey”.
They’ll whisper all about a person’s
Clothes or hair or walk.
Guys don’t have this problem
Because male friends don’t talk.
When someone says “When was your last shower”
And you honestly can’t remember
That’s what most folks call “disgusting.”
I call it “September”.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 