The capital of Alaska
In the Southeast of the state
Is a street where jewelry stores abound
And shirt shops congregate.
We visited a gold mine
That closed in ‘44
‘Cause everyone’s favorite Austrian
Got the miners sent to war.
We panned for gold, discovering
A treasure to hold dear:
That we’d have died if we’d been born
In a gold rush type of year.
On every side were waterfalls
And the sun was warm and high.
Overall a decent town
Provided it’s July.
Filed under Poems
Some folks take vacations
To get away from work,
But for one young man employment
Was instead a travel perk.
He spent all seven cruising days
Inside an elevator.
His parents said he shouldn’t be,
But he surprised them later
By pulling out the wads of cash
(Not tips – donations, see?)
Gifted to him by cruisers
On the Ovation of the Sea.
We never learned his name,
Or why he chose vacation there.
We only knew his silly grin
And even sillier hair.
So here’s to you, cruise mullet kid
Who helped us get around!
Whenever you turn 21
We’ll all buy you a round.
Filed under Poems
There we were upon the sea
And looking for some fun.
We got a wad of dollar bills
To go play 21.
We sat upon a padded stool
And bet our livelihood.
Some hands didn’t go so well
(As math suggests it should).
However, one fine gentleman
Who couldn’t hear a word
Was tipping well the dealer
And flipping math the bird.
Overall we lost a bit
But had a lot of fun.
Also, I know why cruise ships
Don’t let you pack a gun.
Filed under Poems
I’m back from my vacation
And my entire body hurts.
My throat is sore, my feet are tired,
And my nose occasionally squirts.
My head is full of dizzies
And my toes are cold as ice
But the pictures on my cell phone
Look really, really nice!
Filed under Poems
Be me on the ocean
On my early morning jaunt
And I’m greeted on the stairway
By a chocolate croissant.
It’s sitting on a marble step,
Uneaten, undisturbed,
And it greets me silently,
Melty and unperturbed.
Part of me is hungry
And would gladly pick it up
But my wife holds my left hand
And my right hand holds a cup.
Instead I bend my pelvis
And my knees caress the floor
And in one delicious moment
The croissant is no more.
Filed under Poems
Thus the long weekend
Comes to a close.
We’ve done nothing for days
So why d’you suppose
We’re tired and cranky
And feeling frustration
And wanting time off
From our latest vacation?
Filed under Poems
I wish I had a job
Like Indiana Jones
Where I could make good money
Examining human bones.
But Dr. Jones’s job
Is great in other ways
Like the fact he has no limit
To his paid vacation days.
I’m not an archaeologist
But a poet and musician,
And as I write I realize
I am in a position
To take endless vacation days
Like Dr. Jones would do.
“Travis T. and the Crystal Skull”
Coming soon to theatres near you.
Filed under Poems
The sun shines down,
Hot as myself.
I lie on a beach
With a dwarf and an elf.
My shining armor
Makes Gondor girls swoon.
It’s been a long, happy day
And it’s only noon.
Somewhere near Mordor
They’re killing the ring
And I’m just here like,
“I should be king.”
Sometimes I think
I should go help them out,
But Gollum’s got that covered,
Without a doubt.
So I sip margaritas
And smile a bit wider.
Someone calls me “sir.”
I say “please, call me Strider.”
But as the days pass
I grow somewhat bored.
When will they be finished
Reforging my sword?
Filed under Poems
A dog and his man
Hopped into a van
And drove down to the ocean.
The dog jumped in the surf
And rolled in the turf
While the man put on suntan lotion.
The man made sand castles,
The dog ate some tassles.
They both watched a volleyball game.
The dog chased rubber balls
And peed on brick walls,
And the man covertly did the same.
The man and his doggy
Wet, dirty, and soggy,
Hopped back in their automobile.
And they drove back home,
Covered in sand and loam,
With the dog in control of the wheel.
Filed under Poems
I took a trip to the great wall
On my quest to see it all.
I enjoyed myself a bit more than a little.
Stupid you might call it,
But I’m afraid I left my wallet
Somewhere between the ending and the middle.
To make up for such bad luck
I had to make a buck
To get back to my home, off in Regina.
That’s how the story goes:
To solve my money woes
I was forced to be a maid in China.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 