Category Archives: Poems

When You Think Of A Tongue Twister, But Have To Justify It With Some Kind Of Narrative ‘Cause You Write A Poetry Blog, Not A Tongue-Twister Channel

I remember being baffled

When I was a little tyke

Because the little axolotls

Looked an awful lot alike

And the axolotl likeness

Made me trip over my tongue;

“A lot of little axolotls look a lot alike”

Is hard to say when you are young.

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Jazz

I’ve got a great idea

For a really catchy song.

We’ll play the tune for the first minute

But it’s eleven minutes long

So the rest of it will be me

Playing a random sexy lick

Until you forget that you were listening…

Yeah, that’ll do the trick!

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Perfectionism

Sunny Summer day

Fluffy clouds and gentle breeze

Now I’m way too tan

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Thus, Metal Was Born

I wonder who the first guy was

Who picked up a guitar

And swung his hand so randomly

With the amp amped-up too far

And made that overdriven sound

Whose chord’s identity is gone

And said, “Instead of writing songs

“Just play that from now on.”

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Cause and Effect

Birthday cake is good.

Every day someone is born.

Ergo: I am fat.

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News I Learned From Memes Interpreted As A Haiku Because Thursday

Trump’s on Epstein’s list.

Someone’s gun went boom too soon.

England’s a hellhole.

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My Favorite Superhero

We’ve got people addicted to drugs,

Alcohol, porn, and their phones

Yet my cat hears someone say “pspspspsps”

And just feels content deep in his bones.

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A Practical Alternative to Thoughts and Prayers

I think we need a reverse Make-a-Wish

Where kids with cancer go see

Some self-absorbed millionaire bozos

Who’re all caught up in “poor me”,

And little bald Kaleb can smile

And give Mr. Rich a high five.

If we do this enough they might donate stuff

And the cancer kids might stay alive.

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Amusing Musings In A World Without Muses Blues

Today I got up early

Around 5:00 AM or so. Um,

I spent my morning working

But not writing a poem.

I ate my lunch and read a book

With my mind never immersed

In considering a meter

Nor its counterpart of verse.

This evening after dinner

I took a shower hot

And massaged my wife’s posterior

Without a single thought

Regarding writing poetry,

Yet presently I’m writing it

So if you’d beat your writer’s block

Perhaps you should stop fighting it.

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Cosmic Injustice

Mercury has thermometers.

Venus has carnivorous plants.

Mars has chocolate candy

But Earth gets freakin’ ants?!

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