We’ve spent weeks in quarantine
And doubt is setting in.
Our leaders have ignored
The simplest way to win
This war against a virus.
We ask: Why haven’t they
Called Chuck Norris on the phone
To make it go away?
Category Archives: Poems
The Buck Stops Here
I’ve been working the suicide hotline
For the better part of a year
But when someone says
“I want to jump in front of a car”
I can’t help but say, “Oh deer!”
Filed under Poems
An Unexpected Goal
Somewhere there’s a recipe,
Solutions for your life,
A walkthrough to your victory,
An antidote to strife.
Today I build a fire
To light me on the trail
To find instead the recipe
Detailing how to fail.
If there is a flawless guide
Describing how to win
It cannot be of value
To those who look within.
To pass without a challenge
And to win what can’t be lost…
What value is a victory
Attained without a cost?
No master has deficiency;
No one has conquered failing.
My torch shines bright in search of plight.
Here’s hope for stormy sailing!
Filed under Poems
The Enemy of My Enemy
You might be afraid of tigers.
You might run away from a bear,
But when a spider on your ceiling
Can give you such a scare
Think of the microscopic guy
Who made the spider hide up there!
Filed under Poems
Sick Jokes Man!
Unlike aids, ebola, and most cancers of the spleen
People make a lot of jokes about Covid-19.
Maybe if we isolated people with a tumor
We’d find the situation full of all new types of humor?
Filed under Poems
Great White Privilege
There once was a great white shark
Who lived in an amusement park.
He liked to eat fish
And every day got his wish…
Bet things would be different if he were dark.
Filed under Poems
Somebody’s Gonna Feel Butt-Hurt
Today you might feel sad
But you’re still better off than the guy
Who bought 90 rolls of toilet paper
Then found out it’s all single-ply.
Filed under Poems
Pickup Artists, March 2020
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
TP is white
And I’ve got some for you!
Filed under Poems
Some Jobs Can’t Catch A Break…
Where I live in Washington
The schools are shutting down.
The restaurants are closing
All across my little town.
Musicians, actors, dancers
Have no place to ply their trade
And artists cannot show their work
And therefor can’t get paid.
Amidst setbacks and panic
There’s a cloud with a silver-line:
Though you cannot learn or act
Or dance or sing or dine
There is no ban on poetry
Being posted on the net;
Thus why I’m still writing at 10:39.
Is this virus over yet?
Filed under Poems
We’re Also Live-Streaming Bird Songs And Countable Sheep
This is your local government
Now or pretty soon
Emailing to let you know
That we sanitized the moon.
Looking into space
Will no longer cause disease
So while we cancel everything
Go stargaze as you please.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 