Once upon a time
A protagonist’s life was changed
By some sequential story elements
Non-Chronologically arranged
After which there was a sequel
In which similar events
Played out, but less excitingly
Than the ones that came from whence.
And finally a trilogy
Concluded with part three
In which plot elements resolved
And they released the first movie.
Filed under Poems
Let me tell the tale
Of the dwarf defined as Doc.
He was a man with paultry poultry
(Which is to say a tiny cock).
He’d be off to work each morning
With a high-ho and a pick
And he’d strike at stones much harder
Than his diminutive dwarven dick.
A princess came to stay with him
Despite her inhibitions.
Three days later she ate poison
Rather than stay in such conditions.
His beard is limp. His head is bald.
His eyes are beige and lumpy.
Since I’ve run out of insults
I’ll end the poem here. Love, Grumpy.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes I feel
Like I am trapped
In a snowglobe
All night and all day
But then I fall
Into the sky
And hit my head on the glass
And the feeling goes away.
Filed under Poems
As the stars align in the Summer sky,
As one century turns into the next,
So do we give thanks Bruce Jenner’s a guy
And people still call when, tempted, they might text.
We’re thankful that the world is small and flat,
That European powers rule it all.
Perhaps above all else we’re thankful that
No team would play with a deflated ball.
Yet as we smile, gratef’ly reminiscing
We dream of a future where a black man
Can be elected president, dissing
The establishment, saying “yes we can.”
And so we sleep comfortable in our world
Never suspecting it could be unfurled.
Filed under Poems
Waiting for the bus
In the rain
Next to other people
Who don’t have their bus passes.
Waiting for the bus.
Such a pain!
Other people are talking to me
Mostly out of their asses.
Waiting for the bus,
Not a train.
Other people haven’t gotten the hint that my failure to acknowledge their attempts to converse mean I don’t want to converse.
Such is the transport of the masses.
Then the bus arrives
And my jaw falls limply.
She steps off, so graceful,
So beautifully simply.
I watch her meander
Like a flower in the breeze,
Warm and fragile like stained glass
And as innocent as a sneeze.
I mean to call out to her
So she might look my way
But I find my tongue and brain
Cannot agree on what to say.
I dumbly watch her disappear
And without so much as fuss
I’m standing by myself once more
Just waiting for the bus.
PENNSBVWJDIKVKRBWBQKDOKVKVEBVRBRHFYCYALQBDBNZMCJRKRLFPCKNCNSNDKOFPELABXJOFPRPWNDBJCIFOEPWNXJCOOFKEKFKDNBRBFNJCJCJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ…
On a sandwich.
Filed under Poems
You know how in a setting
Where people have the same name
They add the last initial to the end
And try to make it sound not-lame?
I wonder if such trends apply
To animals as well,
Like if two sheep are named Adam
But one’s an E and one’s an L.
Let’s take it one step farther
And say there are two Adam E’s.
How do you distinguish them?
At this you dare not to sneeze.
So if you’re confused about which sheep
You’re looking for. One is eating and one’s up a tree
You can identify the sheep you want:
It’s Grazin’ Adam E.
Filed under Poems
The table’s round.
The knights are young.
The swords are drawn
And the fu is kung.
The mists descend
Like falling water
While the king mourns
That no one has yet made “Welcome Back Kotter.”
Filed under Poems
It’s late and I’m tired.
Around my head animated ducks do dance.
I could go to bed
But realistically there’s really no chance.
Filed under Poems
“People can’t be trusted
“To govern themselves.”
Thus spake the many to you.
“But we, the incompetent
“Untrustworthy many
“Have the wisdom to pick those who’ll do.”
And so those who can’t govern
Pick from among them
An elite narcissistic few
And that, my dear readers,
Is why we the people
Are quite democratically screwed.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 