My Brother is wealthy,
My Sister is wise,
My Dad’s got great hair
And my Mom has great eyes.
You should see my Aunt’s heart
Or my Grandfather’s spine,
But if you like cuticles
No one can beat mine.
Category Archives: Poems
Never Elect A Plant
Power corrupts
So flower power
Can cause, for some,
Hydrangea dange’a.
Filed under Poems
Third Time’s The Charmless
A failed piece of art
Made in Microsoft paint
Faces off against the Goddess
Of political taint
With the goal of defamation
And the tool of shameless lies
And among the States there echoes
350-million “Why”s.
Filed under Poems
Why You Should Avoid Furries
Han was fine and dandy
Until Chewbacca came along
And made the “Solo” surname
Both illogical and wrong.
Filed under Poems
When You Use Laziness To Make Yourself Look Impressive (True Story)
Card tricks stole my mind
‘Til 11:59.
Still published today!
Filed under Poems
Lacking Results From My C/T Scan (In A Sense)
I have a confession:
I can’t spell dietician.
Autocorrect is not helpful
And abuses its position.
If it has a “c” or “t”
For the ician/itian portion
Forces all my logic
To perform quite the contortion.
I was going to write a poem
Full of whimsy, fun, and laughter
But I lacked aforementioned spellings
That I’d long-since afore-sought after.
Thus you get this poem
Lacking good diet advice.
On the bright side dumbness inspired me
And I guess that’s pretty nice.
Filed under Poems
Theme Song For An Upcoming Children’s TV Show
He’s big and pink and fluffy,
Endearing, round, and puffy.
He’s very seldom scruffy…
It’s Murderface the Roach!
He loves your hugs and kisses.
He asks “you know what this is?
“It’s your dead former missus”
Says Murderface the Roach!
He’s the most huggable
Large chitinous bug able
To strangle you
In an alley at night!
He’s at home in the hood
Though he’s misunderstood
But if you bring that up
Best be ready to fight!
He’s got a friendly guise
That to trust would not be wise
Because he’ll stab you in the eyes.
It’s muuuuuuur
Deeeeeeer
Faaaaaaaaace
Theeeeeeeee
Rooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaa!
Ch.
The Newest Gender Identity
Under the apple tree
You are you, I am me.
We can hug and kiss all day
And never hear the others say
“Why are you kissing that horse?”
They don’t understand of course
But under the apple tree… well, there
No one ever seems to care.
Filed under Poems
Comfort Food
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger
Where did you go?
You went down my gullet
To where I don’t know.
Human, human
Dry your tears, wipe your eyes.
I’ll be with you forever
On your belly and thighs.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 