Trumpty Dumpty built us a wall.
Trumpty Dumpty polled well in the Fall,
But an army of lawyers, Fox News, and white horses
Couldn’t stop CNN and “Anonymous Sources.”
Tag Archives: America
Another Perspective…
The top one-percent of earners
Make $585 K.
The minimum NFL salary
Is $615,000 today.
These 0.95-percenters
Complain about being oppressed
And wonder why their unemployed fans
Are anything less than impressed.
Filed under Poems
Two American Legends
Yankee Doodle went to town
Riding on a pony.
He stuck a feather in his cap
And called it macaroni.
Yankee Doodle was confused,
Perhaps ’cause of the ridin’,
And his random speech habit
Got picked up by Joe Biden.
Filed under Poems
Weird Flex But Okay…
Apparently in America
You show black folks you care
By taking a day off of work
And taking sports off the air.
You have moments of silence
Which shows you have the gall
To literally demonstrate support
By doing nothing at all!
Filed under Poems
Sponsored Poem (With Video)!
Some folks can write greeting cards
And some folks can write songs.
Some folks can write poetry
Addressing social wrongs.
Some folks are very talented
While some folks just get by,
But on another level down
You’ll find, alas, this guy.
So how’s a lousy poet
Find a way to make ends meet
When the greatest poets in the world
Are starving in the street?
One way’s to get better,
But that’s just not my way.
The other is to advertise
For anyone willing to pay.
Those who sponsor poetry
Are sadly not so numerous…
I thus present this advertisement
With hope you’ll find it humorous.
Filed under Poems
Giant Meteor: Not A Viable Candidate… Too Likeable
If you say the truth’s important
But you’re lying,
If you say you’re in perfect health
But you’re dying,
If you say you’re a real lady
But you’re a gent
I think you have a shot to be
The US President.
Filed under Poems
My 100% True Treatise On My American Patriotism
I was born in Colorado,
Learned my talkin’ in Kentucky,
Grew up in Northwest Washington
Which, although American, is Canucky.
Now a man who makes a living
Rhyming mediocre comedy
I lie in bed listening to the sounds
Of patriotic hymns from Ireland.
My heart’s in Limerick,
My mind’s in Dublin,
My eyes see Antrims and see Galways!
I am in a kilt
(Yes, I know that’s Scotland)
And I’ll praise green, white, and orange for always!
Then the youtube algorithm
Plays me “God Defend New Zealand”
And the Maori spirit rips the kilt away
And I walk with hobbits in the free land!
Misty mountains, patriotic,
Connect two hemispheres within me…
That’s until I hear the opening chords
Of the Russian anthem start to win me.
Now Haggis, Borscht, Poutine, and Kiwis
Are all chicken-fried in my spirit
And I only wish that the Star-Spangled Banner
Were a song that made me want to hear it.
Filed under Poems
If Only His Parents Named Him Neil…
Greg is 17-foot-3,
Runs faster than the eye can see,
And more impressive than Greg’s size is
How Greg’s won four Nobel Prizes.
Greg is just 18 years old.
All Greg touches turns to gold.
Greg’s backstory’s very tragical
Which makes Greg seem even more magical.
Greg declared the other day
Greg wants to play in the NBA.
The coaches laughed ’til they soiled their pants…
Greg once said, “Cops are fine,” so Greg never stood a chance.
Filed under Poems
2021
Deep below, the hipster slugs
Are killing worms and taking drugs
And handing out free slimy hugs
And chanting “Slug Lives Matter.”
High above, against the odds,
Someone applauds the gastropods
And, thinking they are modern gods,
Eat escargot and grow fatter.
Filed under Poems
Southern Love
Somewhere there’s a purple bear
Who cries itself to sleep.
The cubs call him “The purple one
“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”
I want to find that purple bear
Upon one lonely night
And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt
And say, “It’ll be alright.”
The purple bear will thank me
As he dries his tears away
And hug the small plush human
And know that he’s okay.
I want to pat that little bear
Upon his purple head,
But I’m also scared he’ll maul me
So I’m hunting him instead.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 