Mom and Dad both work all day
But when the morning breaks
You should see the breakfast
That Mama somehow makes:
A hundred stacks of pancakes,
Bacon, toast, and jam,
Four glasses of fresh orange juice
And a massive honey ham,
And upon this wondrous bounty
Cometh the kids and Dad
They grab a strawberry and run
And Mom’s not even mad…
Filed under Poems
Before your TV show resumes
Please watch this little ad
From a global corporation
To remind you that you’re bad.
And if our subtle message
Won’t subliminally take
Don’t worry. There are 14 more
In every single break.
Filed under Poems
As far as I can tell
All you need to do well
As a writer for TV
Is to write a detective show
Where your always-brilliant lead
Has some flaw or special need
That makes them an outsider
With a mono-syllabic name.
Then add someone to kiss
And a grand nemesis
That might, perhaps, be
More brilliant than they.
You need only in joint
Write five episodes with a point,
Then 17 worth of filler
And you’re on your way!
Filed under Poems
He’s big and pink and fluffy,
Endearing, round, and puffy.
He’s very seldom scruffy…
It’s Murderface the Roach!
He loves your hugs and kisses.
He asks “you know what this is?
“It’s your dead former missus”
Says Murderface the Roach!
He’s the most huggable
Large chitinous bug able
To strangle you
In an alley at night!
He’s at home in the hood
Though he’s misunderstood
But if you bring that up
Best be ready to fight!
He’s got a friendly guise
That to trust would not be wise
Because he’ll stab you in the eyes.
It’s muuuuuuur
Deeeeeeer
Faaaaaaaaace
Theeeeeeeee
Rooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaa!
Ch.
It’s a hot Summer day
In paradise.
The sunscreen is out
And the coffee’s on ice.
The sun’s glow is amber.
The birds casually glide.
It makes me so sad
There’s no TV outside.
Filed under Poems
I’ve created the pilot
Of a TV show
That is sure to be a success.
It’s called “Days of our Sons
“Of The Detectives Whom
“Go To High School in the North by Northwest.”
It features mysteries,
Drama, and romance
‘Neath a musical fantasy sky.
It may not be good,
And it may not get watched,
But it’ll run longer than Firefly.
Filed under Poems
If I were a mayfly
With but one day to live
I’d spend my only hours
Looking for ways to give,
And what better gift
Is there for a bunch of bugs
But a lifetime supply of happiness
In the form of chocolate Hugs.
I would build a factory
A milimeter high.
I’d hire and train the larvae
To work until they die.
I’d create a one-fly empire
To bring joy to me and you,
Only to have it crushed
By some human’s canoe.
So next time you are boating,
Running, swimming, or taking a hike
Think about the little guys
Before doing as you like,
‘Cause maybe the cure for cancer
Or diseases of another kind
Are hidden in the ephemeral
Ambitious mayfly’s mind.
If I were a Mayfly
I’d be the best fly I could be.
But alas, I’m not a fly,
So let’s go watch TV.
Filed under Poems
Paultry poultry,
Culprit cuddles,
The clasping asps,
And more;
With all these titles
Floating around,
We still get “My 600-pound life.”
What for?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 