Tag Archives: TV

TV Breakfasts

Mom and Dad both work all day

But when the morning breaks

You should see the breakfast

That Mama somehow makes:

A hundred stacks of pancakes,

Bacon, toast, and jam,

Four glasses of fresh orange juice

And a massive honey ham,

And upon this wondrous bounty

Cometh the kids and Dad

They grab a strawberry and run

And Mom’s not even mad…

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Today’s Episode Of “Incompetent Leading Man Bailed Out By Quirky Minority Sidekick” Is Brought To You By…

Before your TV show resumes

Please watch this little ad

From a global corporation

To remind you that you’re bad.

And if our subtle message

Won’t subliminally take

Don’t worry. There are 14 more

In every single break.

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If Five Meaningful Episodes Is Too Much You Could Write A Sitcom Instead

As far as I can tell

All you need to do well

As a writer for TV

Is to write a detective show

Where your always-brilliant lead

Has some flaw or special need

That makes them an outsider

With a mono-syllabic name.

Then add someone to kiss

And a grand nemesis

That might, perhaps, be

More brilliant than they.

You need only in joint

Write five episodes with a point,

Then 17 worth of filler

And you’re on your way!

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Theme Song For An Upcoming Children’s TV Show

He’s big and pink and fluffy,

Endearing, round, and puffy.

He’s very seldom scruffy…

It’s Murderface the Roach!

He loves your hugs and kisses.

He asks “you know what this is?

“It’s your dead former missus”

Says Murderface the Roach!

He’s the most huggable

Large chitinous bug able

To strangle you

In an alley at night!

He’s at home in the hood

Though he’s misunderstood

But if you bring that up

Best be ready to fight!

He’s got a friendly guise

That to trust would not be wise

Because he’ll stab you in the eyes.

It’s muuuuuuur






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Where The Real Happiness Lies

It’s a hot Summer day

In paradise.

The sunscreen is out

And the coffee’s on ice.

The sun’s glow is amber.

The birds casually glide.

It makes me so sad

There’s no TV outside.

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HBO Anyone?

I’ve created the pilot

Of a TV show

That is sure to be a success.

It’s called “Days of our Sons

“Of The Detectives Whom

“Go To High School in the North by Northwest.”

It features mysteries, 

Drama,  and romance

‘Neath a musical fantasy sky.

It may not be good,

And it may not get watched,

But it’ll run longer than Firefly.

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Life is Ephemeral

If I were a mayfly

With but one day to live

I’d spend my only hours

Looking for ways to give,
And what better gift

Is there for a bunch of bugs

But a lifetime supply of happiness

In the form of chocolate Hugs.
I would build a factory

A milimeter high.

I’d hire and train the larvae

To work until they die.
I’d create a one-fly empire

To bring joy to me and you,

Only to have it crushed

By some human’s canoe.
So next time you are boating,

Running, swimming, or taking a hike

Think about the little guys

Before doing as you like,
‘Cause maybe the cure for cancer

Or diseases of another kind

Are hidden in the ephemeral

Ambitious mayfly’s mind.
If I were a Mayfly

I’d be the best fly I could be.

But alas, I’m not a fly,

So let’s go watch TV.

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Reality TV

Paultry poultry,

Culprit cuddles,

The clasping asps,

And more;

With all these titles

Floating around,

We still get “My 600-pound life.”

What for?

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NBC and TNT,
CBS and ABC,
History, ESPN
Discovery and CNN.

All these channels
And hundreds more
All striving not
To be a bore.

Yet of all the options
There are but two shows to see:
“I wish I were them”
And “I’m glad that’s not me.”

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