What if the key to all great things
Is eating rice and learning piano?
That’s why the asians are kicking our butts
And historically life’s been so-so?
What if, on the other hand, music and rice
Are a poison that slows down the mind
And they’re all that’s between Kwon-Jun
And leaving the rest of humanity behind?
Filed under Poems
I’m sitting in my dining room
Eating a pomegranate
While my wife paints a model horse
On this most peaceful planet.
As I bite into the sweet
And sour seeds, I mull:
Is this how happy zombies feel
When they bite that perfect skull?
Filed under Poems
Nine out of ten people agree
A zombie apocalypse would be bad,
And yet there are folks you will see
Who think such a plague is rad.
What I really want to know
Is whether those with necrophilia
Would be more or less turned on
By moving corpses that can kill ya…
Filed under Poems
When you think about anything
It becomes weird,
Like why can’t tigers
Grow a beard,
Why would someone join
An introverts group,
And who first thought
“He’s a nincompoop?”
And eventually you will find
The answers are one of these
“Probably reasons I don’t get”
Or “Screw it! More chocolate please.”
Filed under Poems
I wonder if spies
Get to choose their codename…
I mean, “Stallion” is great
But “Gelding” is lame,
And for every Thunder,
Placebo, and Drake
There’s a Lumbar, a Bubba,
A Plumpy, a Rake.
If anyone who spies
Is reading this… yo!
Give me a shout out
‘Cause I wanna know.
It’s very important
For my future end.
Thanks for your help!
(P.S Writing for a friend)
Filed under Poems
Do animals who reproduce
Asexually
Get turned on by the absence
Of phallic imagery?
Filed under Poems
I used to know
Why plants didn’t move.
About it I used to sing,
But now I’m confused
Because chlorophyll
And chloroform aren’t the same thing.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 