Tag Archives: Zombies

If They Only Had A Brain…

Some zombies caught diseases

That made them long for brains.

Some are raised by the magic

That a necromancer trains.

Some become a zombie for

No reason we can see

But most zombies decided

To major in sociology.

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Coming Soon To A Campus Near You

What if there were a fairy tale

In which a handsome knight

Went off to save a princess

On his steed of pearly white

But when he leaned to kiss her

And woke her from her sleep

She turned into a zombie

And ate the patriarchal creep?

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Competitive

Jack said “I bet” I can hold

My breath longer than you.

We shook hands and I staked cash

Knowing it wasn’t true.

Then I inhaled and so did he

Our cheeks and chests puffed out

And we proceeded with not-breathing

With the hope of earning clout.

15 seconds later

We both were doing fine.

We both were getting tired

When we hit a minute nine.

The suffering really started

At a minute thirty-two

And when we hit two minutes

We  both had turned quite blue.

Another 30 seconds

And another after that.

Even though my name is Dave I

Hallucinated I was Matt.

A minute then another

Then an hour, then a week…

Neither of us dared exhale.

Our lungs just wouldn’t leak.

And when the comet hit the Earth

And brought the end of days

Jack and I, two zombies,

Saw the error of our ways.

We held our breath for eons,

‘Til the East became the West.

In our undeath we’ll break the tie

By seeing who can piss the best.

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Just Wait ‘Til The Angels Give Me A Harp

I sang a song of love and peace

So thankful for the fallen.

I knew that those beyond the grave

Could surely hear my callin’.

And thus the unknown soldier

And the deceased cream of the crop

Made humankind better once more

By asking me to stop.

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Free Spirit Seeking Eternal Partner – ZfH

Home is where the heart is,
So the saying goes.
It’s a saying that was the cause
Of all my earthly woes.

Then I met some zombies,
And they were pretty slick
‘Cause they made my home
Inside of their stomach.

So I was on vacation
For the first time ever,
Although looking back, my “life”
Wasn’t part of the endeavor.

It took guts to free myself,
And I’d love to share the wealth.
Please tell me your address,
Because undeath’s good for your health.

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We regret to inform you…

A zombie that lived in a crypt

Read “Men’s Health” and wanted to get ripped,

So he pumped lots of iron

‘Til his cadaver was tirin’.

Too bad Hollywood passed on my script.

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The Cheer Horde

On, two, three, four!
Kill us dead, we’ll rise once more.
Five, six, seven, eight!
Unending hunger we must sate.

Tired, hungry, cranky, dead,
We want to open up your head.
Under sun or under rains,
Go go zombies! Eat their brains!

Uuuuuuugh… ZOMBIES!

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