There one was a film about heroes
That didn’t gross quite enough zeroes.
Disney said, “Make it funny
“And we’ll make way more money,”
Then the CEO ordered some gyros.
Tag Archives: Disney
When You Hate The Haters, You Hate Yourself, But I’m White So I Should Hate Myself Anyway And I’m So Confused…
“Everyone loves our movies”
Said the Disney corporation
As they embarked on making
Their next live-action adaptation.
“The only problem I can see”
Said a modern movie buff
“Is that your previous films
“Don’t hate straight white men enough.”
And so the Disney corporation
Began to turn away
Anyone who wasn’t brown
Or female or gay.
Now the Disney corporation
Isn’t evil, FYI
Despite their CEO Bob Iger
Being an old cis-hetero white guy.
We know he isn’t evil
And his movies aren’t trash
‘Cause anti-white discrimination
Is what brings Disney their cash
And money, after all,
Is what makes the world go round.
(Also, you know who to blame
If I go missing and am never found).
Filed under Poems
Because Disney Ruins Everything
If I owned a magic candy cane
That could call thunder and rain
I’d try to die ASAP
So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.
Filed under Poems
The 900-Year-Old Virgin
I discovered a Star Wars easter egg
That no one’s noticed yet.
The Jedi forbid romantic love
In times the prequels set.
This ban on love and marriage
As a staple of Jedi law
Lasted from Yoda’s infancy
To his death on Dagobah.
So the Easter egg I mentioned
That everybody missed
Is Yoda was Disney’s Frog Prince
That no one ever kissed.
Filed under Poems
Social Norms: A Disney Musical (Yes, This Is Irony)
Keep it in, keep it in.
Just keep it bottled up
And let no petty feelings
Fall in your proverbial cup.
Don’t be tempted by expression
And ignore that will to live
‘Cause money’s what you want
And money’s all we have to give.
So keep it in, keep it in.
Keep it tucked away inside.
Joyful outbursts and sad moments
Neither one should you abide.
All those swirly bits of feeling
That bounce around your head
Are horrors from the outside world.
Just watch TV instead!
Keep it in, keep it in
Because peace takes too much work
And if you are emotional
People might think you’re a jerk,
So take a swig, a puff, a pill,
A needle in your vein
So you can keep it in some more
And stop feeling the pain.
