Jared was a little dude
From Syracuse, New York
Who used to think his favorite meat
Was barbecue pulled pork.
Then he came upon a crowd
Of masturbating cattle
And now he says Beef strokin’ off
Has won the “best meat” battle.
Tag Archives: food
Why Some Plants Go Extinct
“Anybody want some peas?”
Everyone said yes.
“Anyone want pewps?”
Perhaps next year, I guess…
Filed under Poems
And Potlucks Were Never The Same Again
Once upon a time
In a land of myth and ballad
Someone mixed a lot of plants
And called the result a salad.
Later, in Minnesota
Someone mixed mayonnaise
With literally anything at all
And said “Salad happens in many ways.”
Filed under Poems
Prequels Be Like:
What if somebody made a hot dog
But instead of a bun, he
Put a couple of crackers
That tasted like honey
And instead of ketchup
Put chocolate so melty
But something was missing,
Because everyone felt he
Was not doing service
To a long piece of meat
So he replaced the hot dog
With a puffy white treat
Perfectly toasted
Over glowing red coals?
Perhaps I’ll add that
To my recipe goals…
Filed under Poems
D… Wait For It… UUUUUH!
Muffins and pizza and cake are delicious
Although, to my stomach, are often malicious.
Will I endure farting, mood swings, and pudge
To eat one more slice, with a side dish of fudge?
Filed under Poems
I’ve Got Bread, Plenty Of Dough, I Bring Home The Bacon, And Yet…
I have a six pack
Of orange creamsicles.
I have 12 inches
Of beef jerky sticks.
I go all night
When I chew my dill pickles,
And somehow I can’t seem
To pick up the chicks…
Filed under Poems
Dear Vegans
Many chickens passed away
So you could have a meal.
You killed them and ate their eggs;
How does that make you feel?
Many chickens were beheaded,
Plucked, and fried in fat.
Because of that, I feel full
And I’m okay with that.
Filed under Poems
All Part Of A Complete Breakfast
The toaster makes you crispy bread.
The fridge chills out your meals.
The plate will hold your citrus fruit
And the garbage holds the peels.
The dishwasher will clean things up
And there’s cereal on the shelf.
The pit trap on the front porch
Means you enjoy it by yourself.
Filed under Poems
Why Modern Poets Are Thin
A poem without rhyming’s
Like a cheeseburger without cheese,
A BLT with no tomato,
A bowl of carrots without peas.
A poem without rhyming
Lacks flavor and synergy
But alas I’m on a diet
And must cut whatever calories I can…
Filed under Poems
And What Did They Say About Dinero?
And herbivore eats herbs
And a carnivore eats meat
And an omnivore eats everything
Which I think’s really neat.
I don’t have a lot of money
And traveling in Spain was I
And somebody said “Por favor”
And now I’m just waiting to die.
Filed under Poems
