Tag Archives: Future

Okay Zoomer

In the future, little kids

Will visit their Grandma’s houses

And bring along 3D-printed candy

And all four of their spouses

And in between rounds of “Doom 35”

Grandma will tell the tale

Of how when she was a little boy

It was hip to say “epic fail.”

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Story Time, 2321

Today we remember the world’s greatest dancer

Who ten score years earlier passed on from cancer.

Before she succumbed to the tumors and such

She lived a grand life and accomplished so much:

She was the first woman to dance on the moon,

The first to make contact with the Laser Raccoon,

The inventor of Carbon, the first scrambler of eggs,

And ZZ Top’s inspiration to write “She’s Got Legs.”

When she was young people said she was odd

For she went to the pet store and adopted a God.

As she grew older her thoughts turned to war

And where once there was everything there soon was no more,

So she let her pet rebuild quite a bit

While she spent her time just relaxing a bit.

Then she saw an ad in a paper one day

And, on a whim, chose to take up ballet.

She learned how to twirl and wear tutus and stuff

And discovered ballet was incredibly tough…

Much tougher than crushing rebellions, they say…

Worse even than smelling some Axe body spray.

She struggled and sweated, for she felt it vital

That she must be ready for her first recital.

She struggled and strained through each pirouette

‘Til she was the best that a dancer could get.

Some people had doubted, had mocked her and laughed

But after she danced they all saw how they’d gaffed.

“Alas,” they cried out as she do-si’d her do

And those who felt proud suddenly felt quite low.

And as she bowed low and the watchers applauded

And her majesty great by the critics was lauded

She said the five words that ended her tale:

She said “I was born biologically male.”

The entire world raged and volcanoes erupted

As their heroine’s image by sin was corrupted

And so she was wiped from the pages of history

And now even her name is no more than a mystery.

Some people will tell you this poem’s not funny,

That I am just lying ‘cause I want your money,

But know that this legend is utterly true

Or the Earth isn’t flat and the sky isn’t blue.

And if you say otherwise, I’ll have you know

There’s a place where all bad kids like you have to go…

The worst prison ever, a hell of a jail

Reserved for those convicted of being a white male.

That’s all for today, little wards of the state.

Now go home and remember, love is better than hate.

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It Almost Begins…

Tomorrow is the fateful day

Where 45% of America shouts “hooray”

And the major event will be watching those

Who will not be watching the new Pres’s prose.

Tomorrow the meme will in the white house sit

And whether you smile or snarl or spit

You have to admit (or at least you should)

Until 2020 Twitter’s gonna be good.

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1/16 TSP of Nostalgia

I remember the days of yore

When if you made a call

You could not use the internet.

No you couldn’t. Not at all.
I remember the olden days

When a prune was a “dried plum,”

And when Superhero movies

Were as tacky as they’d come.
If you complain about the future,

These are the comforts you should seek.

Besides these three things, however,

Yeah… The future’s kinda bleak.

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The Travesty Continues

Here it is: The final day.
The year that was will fade away.
With this poem I complete my goal
To write a poem a day, each somewhat droll.

And so completed, I look ahead
From the unfair comfort of my bed.
I feel happy and somewhat zen,
And I think I’ll do it all again!

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A Politically Incorrect Prediction

In the future:

We’ll have hover cars that drive themselves
And women’s liberations
And continued economic growth
Among the Asian nations.

In the future, traffic accidents
Will have fewer survivors,
For the hover cars will be programmed
By Asian women drivers.

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Going Pro

I’ll go with the flow,
With the status quo,
But there are new places
This poet must go,
And so

I’m pleased to declare
To those here and there
That new things are coming,
Like Spring in the air.

I’ve created a page
(As it’s called in this age)
In the book of faces
For you to engage.

The site name has been altered,
Just in case you have faltered.
It’s just thedailytravesty.com now.
The WordPress name has been haltered
(And by haltered I mean gotten rid of, but you knew that).

But the next great frontier
Which I whisper in your ear
Is a publishing venture.
Oh dear, oh dear.

The future is bright.
Come join it with me,
And tomorrow we’ll have
An even greater Travesty.

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