Tag Archives: Heaven

Harps Aren’t Free, You Know!

I awake from endless slumber

Beside a river I don’t know

Where a luminous boat is waiting

For one willing to row.

We pass through crystal mountains

And forests made of glass

While the water sings serenely

As through it my oars pass.

I see the Lord of Heaven

And His splendor makes me whole.

Then I watch a 30-second ad

For the brand new Kia Soul.

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Last Time I’ll Use Tinder! (AKA Morning Head)

This morning I woke up in Heaven

In my bed at 10:43.

The sun glowed gold. I smiled

And your face smiled back at me.

The coffee and breakfast was ready

With a whole day to spend with my queen.

I looked back at your face and realized

Your body was nowhere to be seen.

Turns out to awaken in Heaven

Is not always as nice as it seems,

Or so I discovered when angels

Began to harmonize songs with my screams.

As I woke back on Earth to the thunder

All pale, sweaty, cold, and alone

I realized Heaven’s got its downsides

And sometimes there’s no place like home.

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Now Serving Number 1,347,362,897,363,076…

I think that when you die
You go up to the sky
And log in to the Heaven registry
Of those awaiting birth
Again onto the Earth.
It’s just another big bureaucracy.

You spend the days after your doom
In cloud-nine’s waiting room
With the patio salesman, Bill.
So if you have a heart attack
You’ll see why Christ has not come back,
And at this rate, he probably never will.

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Eternal Anything

Nine times out of eleven
A guy can go to Heaven,
And to be among the nine
Tops my list of fears.

For hymns and harps are great,
And for flying I can’t wait,
But eternity is just too much
When you live 100 years.

So take your eternal pleasure
I’ll just enjoy my leisure
On this temporary paradise
That’s called mortality.

That doesn’t make me bad
(Maybe in one sense, but not a cad).
Life can be enjoyed
With a sense of finite morality.

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