I think hockey is entertaining,
But what sport wouldn’t be great
If you just changed the rules so players
All had to wear ice skates?
Baseball would be more exciting!
Football would be even more cool!
Soccer would be… well, still boring
But there’s exceptions to every rule.
In fact, if we looked beyond athletes
And made everyone skate every day
We’d probably be happy and peaceful.
(At least it worked out for Norway)
Filed under Poems
My girl said “[Name]
“You can watch the game.”
Now I’m watching men skate
And good poems can wait.
Filed under Poems
As a kid I brushed my teeth
And dreamt of hockey fame.
I knew I’d be the greatest guy
To ever play the game.
I’d pass and score and block and fight
And win for many reasons
And earn a dozen Stanley Cups
And play for forty seasons!
So, four years old, I tied my skates
And pulled on my first sweater
And grabbed a stick and shin guards
Determined to get better.
I played left wing ’til high school
Then swapped to play the right.
I shot and passed and blocked a lot
And even had a fight!
I went to play in the NHL
And was drafted thirty-second.
The success that I’d achieved
Was better than I reckoned.
For sixteen years I scored the goals
And dropped the gloves and won.
I never got a Stanley Cup
But I had lots of fun!
And now I sleep, a different man,
Amidst the moonlit hush
Without the need for childish dreams
And without teeth to brush.
Filed under Poems
I wanted to play hockey
And be like a Canuck.
I settled for air hockey
But I didn’t have a puck.
A lot of you tuned out of the story
Because the last rhyme might be (from the record struck)
And for those of you who think that
Too bad! You’re out of luck.
(Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk)
Filed under Poems
I kinda hope the NFL
Display the stubborness of men
And they keep sitting for the anthem
Because I figure then
People will start watching hockey
And I can talk about sports again.
Filed under Poems
A cloud of partially frozen testosterone wafts across the ice,
A mist of legends past and present.
The fans sit, digesting grease and salt on uncomfortable seats.
The timer starts, the buzzer rings, the announcer screams,
And the teams emerge from the limbo beyond civilian comprehension.
The goalies go to their nets,
The captains to the center,
And they sing the anthems of allied nations,
Friends amidst the competition.
Then the rink explodes!
A flurry of sticks, pucks, and teeth without homes.
Lights flash, buzzers ring, plastic shatters and jerseys tear.
This repeats three times,
And the losers exit loudly.
But the winners stay.
They stay, and whether it’s their first or last time
They experience that fleeting joy
That lasts forever.
The joy of victory.
The joy of hockey.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 