There once was a van-living hoarder
Who crossed the Canadian border.
He lost his way,
So he asked a cop “eh?”
The cop figured all was in order.
And so the directionless dude
Asked locals who were eating food.
They said “bla bla bluh.”
The van-guy asked “huh,”
And found himself viciously booed.
And so the van-guy found his way
Back to Where-He-Was-From, USA.
There’s a moral somewhere,
But you probably don’t care,
And it’s probably better that way.
Filed under Poems
This poem’s for the people
Who work lousy hours
Slaving away
For the “that be”-ing powers.
These rhymes are for tellers
And checkers and chaps
Who wear store-logo polos
And maybe ball caps.
This verse is for plumbers
And sellers of pot.
Thanks for doing your thing
So that I need not.
Filed under Poems
Today I was nominated
For a “Dragon Loyalty Award”
By Aunty Cath, my follower
Whom I am grateful toward.
The gist of this distinction
(Besides just being great)
Is to write a bit about yourself
And other blogs you appreciate.
So first, the bit about me.
I will share seven things:
I play and teach the clarinet,
I enjoy playing on swings,
I’m a board game fanatic
And a pokemon collector,
My favorite band is “Great Big Sea”
And I’m a rampant grammar-corrector.
The seventh thing I’ll share with you
Is that I don’t read many blogs.
Mostly they’re about men’s fashion
Or have pictures of cute dogs.
So if you want to win something
Like this esteemed award,
You can claim I nominated you
And boom! Now you’re not bored.
And thanks again to Aunty Cath:
I might just follow you,
‘Cause you gave me a topic for today
Besides just a haiku.
When I drink my morning coffee
I think about my wife,
And how the two of them together
Give me such a perfect life.
And when I drink my evening coffee
And I lie awake at night
I know neither one has chest hair,
And that makes me feel all right.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere in my memory
Lies July the seventeenth.
(That’s yesterday, in case you didn’t know’st).
That was the day my mind
Was way off on it’s own.
It was the day that I forgot to post.
So in memorium
Of this flawless two-year goal,
This poet must apologize to you.
But if my memory serves,
Then the poem you may have seen
Would’ve been a pretty bad half-assed haiku.
Filed under Poems
I had a lunch hour at my old job,
But that just wasn’t enough.
I need some time in the middle of the day
To just relax and stuff.
I told my boss about my plight.
Now I take two hours instead
To eat my meal and check my mail
And generally clear my head.
Still, my malaise remained in place,
Even when I took
My two 15-minute breaks
Before and after my lunch nook.
Now my lunch is 16 hours
And I’m darn pleased to heck.
Self employment’s really something,
But I wish they’d send my check.
Filed under Poems
A slump is a chump
Whose throat has a lump,
As does its cerebral cortex.
It will make you it’s chow.
I’m stuck in one now.
(Either that or a temporal vortex).
Filed under Poems
Cows stampede and lemings leap.
Dogs will chase that herd of sheep.
Boys will be boys and socks be darned.
Bad baby horses will be sent to their barn.
Lines will be crossed and drawn in the sand.
Books by this poet will someday be banned.
A tree will fall and turn into a log,
And Saturday she has to walk her friend’s dog.
Filed under Poems
Trees are nice. So are rocks,
But not so much big cities,
‘Cause they are full of people
Whose heads are full of ditties.
They sing all day despite themselves,
Albeit silently.
I cannot stand these catchy tunes
That I cannot hear or see.
And so I moved out to the woods
Are jingles don’t exist.
And now getting rid of the birds
Is on my to-do list.
Filed under Poems
