Tag Archives: Humor

What Is A Sunday?

if Monday was productive

It would be Tuesday instead.

If Tuesday were called “Hump day”

Maybe we’d want to get out of bed.
If the end was in sight on Wednesday

We would enjoy it more.

If after Thursday was a weekend

It would not be such a snore.
Saturday’s a Friday

During which we needn’t work,

But Sunday is what Saturday

Would be if it were a jerk.
On Sunday we do nothing

Just like on Saturday,

Except our nothing is interrupted

By our freedom sneaking away.
We’re filled to our proverbial brim

With end-of-weekend anxiety.

That is what a Sunday is,

Or maybe that’s just me.

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But It’s Organic!

It had an extra leg, I think,

And several extra eyes.

I don’t know how it got into my drink.

Oh look at that… it flies!

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I’m Not Even Going To Apologize

Sometimes dogs are happy.

Sometimes dogs are sad.

You wanted a clever poem?

Well today, that’s just too bad.

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Self-Inflicted Problems

Coffee and tea

With my good friend Cindy.

Coffee and cake

With my other friend Jake.

Coffee and porn

With my buddy Bjorn.

Coffee and grub

At the insomniac’s club.

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They Have Strong Legs in Mexico

I sang “dropkick me Jesus

“Through the goal posts of life.”

My Mexican gardener is very literal.

It’s caused us some strife.

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D-I-Why

For fourteen dollars and fifteen hours

I can buy some wood and plastic towers

And with the help of a hammer, saw,

Electric drill, and my guitaw

I can make a TV stand

That I created by my own hand.
For fifteen dollars and sixteen minutes

I can buy a stand already finished.

I’ll assemble it with an alan wrench,

Then maybe also build a bench.

But the pride of doing is better than haste.

Besides, can’t let those towers go to waste!

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In Defense of Rhyme

There are those who tell me

That a poem that rhymes

Is unnescessary.

There are those who say

A poem that rhymes

Is of the devil

Or the patriarchy

Or “kind of stringent, don’t you think?”

Their tellings and sayings

Spool around the cellar

Of an ivory tower

Whose black horses

And cakes which are a lie

No longer echo

In the halls of our great uncles.

Confusion is their currency.

Paragraphs

Are

Their

Playthings.

I do not understand this poem.

Neither do you.

I just wrote it to show ’em,

Figuratively, who’s who.

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World War Three

If we go to war with Russia,

Whether Putin’s fault or ours

It will be a lengthy battle

Between some major world powers.

But if we go to war with China,

Then China would be mad

Cause we’d send a bull to all their shops

And wreck ’em pretty bad.

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1/16 TSP of Nostalgia

I remember the days of yore

When if you made a call

You could not use the internet.

No you couldn’t. Not at all.
I remember the olden days

When a prune was a “dried plum,”

And when Superhero movies

Were as tacky as they’d come.
If you complain about the future,

These are the comforts you should seek.

Besides these three things, however,

Yeah… The future’s kinda bleak.

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This Is The Crap I Write At 11:20

The little box on my watch

That tells me the date

Is taunting me with

What might have been my fate,
For it says “23,”

But it’s halfway away

Towards the “24” sign

That means it’s the next day.
I think I’m in meltdown,

To have my mind be so blank

For two days in a week.

I have job security to thank.
And for those East of Cali,

Who missed today’s rhymes:

If I could I’d email you

A cage full of mimes.

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