Tag Archives: Life

Breaking: Pinocchio Becomes Democratic AND Republican Frontrunner

Geppetto saw the puppet

Come alive one fateful night.

He hardly could contain his pure

Excitement and delight.

He asked, “What is your power?”

To which the toy replied,

“My nose grows when I’m truthful

“And I’ve never, ever lied.”

Geppetto took the puppet

On a tour of the land

And the puppet said, “You’re beautiful”

To all the coarse and bland.

“A gift to puppetmakers

“Will increase your Earthly wealth.”

And so, in awe, they watched the nose

And drank unto his health.

And as the ugly stayed the same,

The poor stayed destitute,

The puppet stayed beloved,

For his word was absolute.

This lesson serves to illustrate

Wherefore in every hour

We ought not correlate the truth

With presence of a power.

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It’s Thick Enough That The Title Goes On The Spine!

A book came in the mail for me!

I wrote it and it came!

If you act quickly then you can

Experience the same!

It’s yours to buy on Amazon

(Or elsewhere if you’re odd):

It’s cheaper than an ounce of gold

And funnier than God!

Neutral background made of the author’s sweatpants not included…

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B089279Y3W

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What Happens When I Get Less Than 14 Hours Of Sleep

Today I am sleepy.

Tomorrow I’m somnolent.

Many already realized

This poem won’t rhyme.

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New To Alaska?

The air was full of mosquitoes

And someone gave me a spray:

“It’s called mosquito repellant

“And it keeps the bugs away.”

I put it on my body

And away went all my cares.

Now I’m going to try the spray

For repelling the bears!

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Perhaps I Overstepped? (Pt. 2/3)

Five minutes ago I published

Twelve lines of verse about

Proper ways to socialize

For those who had a doubt.

Sometimes when I do publish

Things of that ilk I see

That someone gets offended

But this time it was me.

I read my writing quickly,

The slowly read again,

Appalled by what I’d written

With my figurative pen.

I got so mad I punched myself

Then sued myself. Outrageous!

Stay six feet away from yourself;

Stupidity’s contagious!

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A Primer On Common-Sense Human Interaction (Pt. 1/3)

If you say “Hi”

And get no reply

It could be no one heard you.

If you say “Hi”

And they say “Die”

It’s likely they’ve abjured you.

If you say “Hi”

And they ask “Why?”

Then now’s your time to talk,

And if, to “Hi”

They only sigh

Perhaps you’d better walk.

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No Joke!

Moreso than drugs or heart disease,

Moreso than any tumor,

Most tragedies in life are caused

By lacking a sense of humor.

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Death of an Influencer

Margaret died and stood by God

And looked on all there was:

An ageless, endless universe

With countless lives abuzz,

Singing songs that never stop

In perfect harmony

And Margaret said, “They must be sad

“To be there without me!”

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And That’s The Truth?

At 5:00 AM I woke up

And went for a three-mile run.

At 6:00 AM I wrote a love note

To my honeybun.

At 7:00 AM I had breakfast:

Gold-plated caviar.

At 1:20 PM I lied in a poem

And that’s my day so far!

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Meanwhile, At Netflix Headquarters…

In Japan they make cartoons

With people named Jojo or Light…

And even though they’re Japanese

The characters are all white…

But when we film an adaptation

Fans of the original are mad

Because we only hired white actors

And, apparently, that’s bad?

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