Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who’s the fairest of them all?
Sorry princess, I can’t say…
Your credit card expired today.
Mirror, mirror of denial,
What about my winning smile?
Princess, although my heart leapt
That’s not a payment I accept.
Mirror, mirror I don’t know,
I’ve got a new email so…
fancychick@web.net
Want a two-week free trial of the best mirror yet?
Childbirth is painful for women
And ball-kickage is painful for men
But after it’s done only one
Waits teo years, then says “Do it again!”
Filed under Poems
When I am too old to dream,
My mouth too old to smile,
I’ll place my hand upon the land
And feel the Earth a while.
Upon my skin, too loose to shape,
I’ll feel the critters crawl,
Relearning birth through mother Earth
And joy in being small.
I’ll feel the weeds begin to grow
O’er feet too slow to flee
And feel at peace as I release
What I mistook as me.
I’ll look upon my old abode
With eyes I’ve never known,
Then look on all that dared to crawl
And all that’s ever flown,
To use the sight I once ignored
Or else dismissed in haste
And understand ’twas not my hand
On which the insects paced,
‘Twas not my flesh I left behind,
‘Twas not my body gone,
But merely tools to comfort fools
Before their moving on.
When I am both too old to dream
And old enough to go
I’ll make my lair in everywhere
Until you say hello.
Filed under Poems
Were there an inventor,
Perhaps of a car,
And it found its vehicle flawed
I’d think that the fault
Was not with the car
But with it’s creator, Car God.
And if Car God said,
“You dumb stupid lemon,
“Made flawed because I wasn’t clever,
“Instead of repairing,
“Refining, retrying,
I think I’ll just burn you forever…”
If that were the case,
I’d want a new God
For fear that I might somehow fail.
But our God is better:
Our God is forgiving
For he made, but has not burned, kale.
Filed under Poems
In life, as in Tetris
Failure is guaranteed.
The longer you’ve been playing
The higher is your speed.
You choose where to place the blocks
That you’ve no strength to bend.
Your only goal’s to stay alive
Until the very end.
To play the lowest levels
Is a way to work off stress
But you’ll find when all is over
The rewards are much, much less.
You’ll win by staying focused;
You’ll lose if you get shot.
If you choose to try again
It may get worse… or not.
When you’re done the lowest scores
Are gone without a trace,
But for the few who managed to
Put everything in place
You’ll enter your initials
To claim your high score’s stake
And if you do not enter “ASS”
You’ve made a huge mistake.
Filed under Poems
I really hope for chaos’ sake
That the cure for Covid be
The presence of police
Because, well, blessed irony!
Filed under Poems
I used to be a Dodo bird
But then I went extinct.
I came back as a Quagga
And then a Cape Verde Great Skink.
I’ve been a Passenger Pigeon
And even a Lesser Bilby.
I’ve yet to be a 5’11 male human
But soon, I fear, I will be…
Filed under Poems
‘Twas 1:00 O’clock, so said my watch
But be it day or night
I could not tell, for in the sky
Was a full moon so bright.
Beside it in the starlight
A single star shone brighter;
It was the sun, and so begun
Our first three-month all-nighter.
In the East the sun did rise,
And in the West it sets,
But in the North it matters not
How late the daytime gets.
‘Twas in the Summer moonlight
That I saw the Summer sun,
And so it is both day and night
Until the Summer’s done.
Filed under Poems
I checked into a hotel room
That was almost six feet tall,
Weighed 180 pounds
And once was very small.
I used it for one happy day
To run around the world
Then checked out in the evening
As on a bed it curled.
I checked back in tomorrow
But found it was today
And the room I’d left behind me
Was mostly still okay.
I expect to keep this up
For quite a while yet
For, being an ambitious ghost,
It’s the best that I can get.
Filed under Poems
I almost paid 500 dollars
To a pair of thugs in leather collars
For a bag of powder from a vault
That turned out to be garlic salt.
But alas, I’d no such luck;
They didn’t a single buck.
Instead they made me walk away
With tickets to the WNBA.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 