I may not be Annie Oakley
But you’ve never seen a fellow
Hit the broad side of a barn
Like I can do!
I may not be a doctor
But when a friend turns yellow
No one can say “there there”
Like I’ve learned to!
I’m not a jack of any trade.
Perhaps that’s why I’ve got it made.
I’m a wizard who can’t even cast a spell!
But that stuff is overrated,
Sloth underappreciated.
Yes, being mediocre’s pretty swell!
I haven’t learned a trade,
Nor the sciences or arts,
But I can sit around
Like no one’s business!
And when you see me doing
Nothing that requires smarts, you’ll ask
The fellow next to you
“Who on earth is this?”
I’m a man with no profession,
Absent when class is in session
Because I’m born unable to work well.
But that won’t dampen my mood
‘Cause my life’s still pretty good.
Yes, being mediocre’s pretty swell!
So if you’re not a Grant or Lincoln
There’s no need for you to feel
As though your greatest dreams
Will not come true!
Your dream of happy lounging’s
Achievable through clever scroungings
And if I can do it, surely
So can you!
I’m no poet but I rhyme!
You’ve a quarter, I’ve a dime!
I’ve no fear at all of being damned to Hell
‘Cause they’ll never let me in.
If you do nothing, you can’t sin.
Posthumous mediocrity is swell!
Yes being mediocre’s pretty swell!
The Daily Travesty 