A figure flies along the streets
Of a city, black and grey,
Equipped with special armaments
With which to hunt her prey.
Her foes are public enemies
Called apathy and fear.
She strikes them down with not a frown
But a flash of wit and cheer.
Her only superpower
Is a total lack of worry
With which she slays uncertainty
In one most epic flurry!
Who is this maid of mystery
And what can she not do?
We cannot know for certain
But I hope she might be you!
People go to work
Eight hours a day
Clicking buttons mindlessly
To earn their meager pay,
After which they go home
And spend sixty bucks
To click buttons mindlessly
And then say their life sucks…
I once found it tough
To talk about stuff,
But then I went to college.
Now I regale ya
‘Cause now I’ve got the knowledge!
If two trains depart at identical hours
Traveling towards one another
On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks
For the opposite engineer’s mother
When first they pass one another
At speeds varying by a factor of 5
How long will it take before students
Make their teacher no longer alive?
I’m not a really kinky dude
(As you may have surmised)
So I don’t know if this is real
But I wouldn’t be surprised:
There should be a dating site
For folks who “sub” or “dom”
To meet in public places…
I interviewed a guy today
Who seemed a classy man;
A graduate from Harvard
Who served in Afghanistan,
An ally to the homeless
Who kept them clothed and fed.
He was well-prepared, as well as
Well-dressed and well-read.
The only box that wasn’t checked
For this supreme go-getter
Was when he said “the warm side
Of the pillow feels better.”
Some people think this year will be bad
Because it comes after twenty-twenty
But that’s objectively untrue.
If you want to find an equal
Just realize they’ve scheduled a sequel
Every year ’til twenty-twenty nine
Some folks say that God is dead,
But that’s misinformation.
The real truth is God is gone
On one big long vacation.
He asked his faithful angel pal
To water his plant before bed,
But the angel pal misread the note
And watered the planet instead.
The longest month of springtime,
A ball that helps you see,
A band with too much makeup,
And a goat we named “Marie.”
I meant to be romantic
But she had no clue
That I was simply asking
“May I kiss you?”
I gave a presentation
About a prehistoric human
But when my speech was finished
My audience was fumin’.
A reporter stood and said “Hello,
“My name is Molly Kerrigan.
“There’s no such thing as cavemen.
“They’re Subterranean Americans.”