Sometimes I think I have a lot
Upon my figurative plate
Because I have so little time
And go to sleep too late
And then I see somebody
Working nineteen hours for minimal pay
And I go home just thinking
“What flavor pizza should I get today?”
Tag Archives: Poetry
Classic vs. Modern Openings
Some heroes wear capes;
Some villains wear capes too;
This is effectively the same poem as
“Roses are red, violets are blue.”
Filed under Poems
Dr. Strangelove 2, Or How The Bomb Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Herself
I wanted to ask a guy to the prom
But alas I’m a thermonuclear bomb.
Were I to go out in a pretty pink dress
I’d make the whole world feel considerable stress
And instead of the dancing and sighing and kissing
Everyone would shout “Hey, there’s a warhead that’s missing”
And before I’d say “Chill guys, you’re all being dumb”
They’d put me back with the uranium.
And so in my bunker I cry and I dream
Of a man who will see me for more than I seem,
Who’ll sweep me away for one memorable night
Even though afterwards the world won’t be alright…
But maybe a man cannot make me complete
And instead I’ll be happy as radiant heat?
Filed under Poems
We Don’t Play To Use Effort… That’s Just Work
I found a fun video game
That simulates many ways to die.
The designers overlooked the simple fact
That survival means I’d have to try.
Filed under Poems
Double-O One Through Six
There was a fantabulous spy
Who was put in a death trap to die.
His life then did cease
And the world knew no peace.
If you’ve never heard of him, that’s why.
Filed under Poems
Big Brother
I accidentally deleted
My browser history
And yet the pages I visit
Show the same ads to me
About the things I’ve talked about
But never searched online
So forgive we while I move under this rock
And live there… I’ll be fine.
Filed under Poems
How To Be Popular
If I had breath like Godzilla
And my sneeze were a nuclear blast
I still wouldn’t like playing kickball
But at least I’d get picked before last.
Filed under Poems
“Noble”
There once was a noble chihuahua
Whose owner was trapped in the shower.
He flew like an ace
To bite her on the face
Then barked nonstop for 24 hours.
Filed under Poems
Writer’s Strike or Poetic Justice?
I’m not sure which is better:
That Hollywood is on strike
Because computers can do their job better
And that they do not like
And now we won’t have any more
Reboots, remakes, or sequels?
Or that we finally see mindless machines
As movie writers’ equals?
Filed under Poems
DC Smoothies: Now Made With 100% Sustainably Harvested Peasant Tears
It is a truth we find self-evident
That the people who make the laws
Are the type to drink turtle smoothies
With biodegradable straws.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 