Tag Archives: Poetry

Go Cry To… Oops

There’s nothing anyone can say

That won’t offend another.

For instance, if you say

That you live with your mother

Women call you loser,

Men will say you suck,

And orphans will be pissed

Because some guys get all the luck.

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The News Be Like…

It is a fact from an incited source

That 30 percent of collisions

Are the result of someone driving drunk;

In other words, poor decisions.

That means that 70 percent

Of sober drivers crash.

Driving without drinking

Is, according to statistic, rash.

That fact, if analyzed in depth

Means that driving sober will

Increase your chances by 133%

That, by driving, you will kill.

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Faith, Hope, and Love

Faith, hope, and love are good things He gave us,

From His bright temple so high up above,

Hoping that our faith in Him would show us

That the greatest of these many is love.

I’ve met women named both Faith and Hope though

And hoped to find a faithful love with them,

And hope for Hope and faith in Faith did grow

Though faithful love I hoped for would not stem.

But sometimes for what you hope and you pray

Are not what faith intended at that hour;

Sometimes what seems like hope misplaced may say

That patience can be full of wondrous power.

So here I am, my faith tested before

Still hopes your love is still worth hoping for.

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So The Nuclear Button Might Bring Them Back?

Maybe, just maybe

Dragons aren’t here anymore

Because they breathed fire

But now the sky is full of air?

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Somebody Once Told Me…

I proudly draw a perfect circle

And then somebody screams…

“It’s a Venn Diagram of people born in the ’90’s

“And people who like to make memes!”

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And He Was Like, “Bohemian Rhapsody Is So Long…”

Sometimes you park your car

Just when a song starts playing

And you sing along, now knowing

That your plans are worth delaying.

For some folks it’s the Beatles,

And for some the Rolling Stones.

For me it’s Wagner’s Ring Cycle

Which is why I’m a pile of bones.

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It’s A Mystery!

I don’t get why some folks don’t like me.

I do all the things that they say

Like supporting the wenches and slant-eyes and injuns

And even my cousin who’s gay.

I don’t get why people think I am offensive

When all thems is stupid and fat.

I guess they must envy my skills in the kitchen…

Those Jews don’t know how to cook rat!

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From the Diary of Washington’s Next Top Martyr

This afternoon, Jay Inslee,

The Governor of WA,

Mandated everyone wear masks

To which I stated: “Ha!”

The problem with such mandates

Is that if up the police show

You can say “I’m attracted to plants today”

And they have to let you go.

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When Your Roommate Asks You To Demonstrate Basic Hygiene, But You Demonstrate Basic Verbal Agility Instead

You told me, “Take the garbage out,”

And, I’ll admit, I tried.

Alas, your sister’s married

And refused to go outside.

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We’ve Come A Long Way Since “Pong”

“Hey Mr. Producer Guy,

I’ve got a game idea

Where two people survive the apocalypse.”

“Sure, Mr. designer guy,

But instead of death and zombies

Make the focus on blooming relationships.”

“Great idea, but what if

Instead of playing through the game

Players watched long, scripted movies of themselves?”

“And what about having

Unskippable gay sex missions?

It’ll fly right off the shelves!”

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