Not quite next year yet…
Losing weight is easier
When you start out fat…
Tag Archives: Poetry
Timmy Quits First Grade
Kids think school is really neat.
It’s all the crayons you can eat
And lots of friends to boss around
‘Til you weigh more than fifty pounds.
After that school isn’t great.
You’re teased for all the crayons you ate
By bigger kids with smaller brains
And many fewer choochoo trains.
If school stuck to its “pre” version
It would enhance student immersion.
Alas, they think we have to learn
And that’s why I will not return.
Filed under Poems
The Redneck Reindeer
‘Twas the night after Christmas
And all through the crick
All the rednecks were calling
Old Francis a dick
‘Cause of all of the nights
To go hunting for deer
These nights are the very worst
Parts of the year.
He must’ve been drinking.
Why else would he look
For deer in the sky
And take the shot that he took?
Now all of the kiddies
Have stockings of air
‘Cause old Francis’s shotgun
Had pellets to spare.
But the crick kids were thankful
As they took a big bite
Of smoked red-nosed venison
On post-Christmas night.
Filed under Poems
We All Know Someone Who Deserves This Gift Though
If you get a hippopotamus for Christmas
‘Cause only a hippopotamus will do
I won’t get a gift for you next Christmas
‘Cause you’ll just be hippopotamus poo.
Filed under Poems
Starting The Resolutions Early
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And wouldn’t you know it,
Eight lines of verse
From your favorite poet!
Though the wording was brief
The message was clear:
I’m sleepy right now
But I’ll do better next year.
Filed under Poems
Let’s Eat Flesh vs. Let’s Eat, Flesh?
Zombie killing spree
And a zombie-killing spree
Are not the same thing.
Filed under Poems
Keepy-Uppy Should Be An Olympic Sport
Make up fancy sports
With eight-hundred page rule books?
Nah. Play “don’t drop ball”.
Filed under Poems
Ode To Government Transparency
There once was REDACTED from REDACTED
Who REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED.
On REDACTED he said,
REDACTED in bed”
And REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED
Young Introvert’s Reality Check
People really go
Spend time talking to strangers
Without deadly threats?
Filed under Poems
Tube Go Whoosh!
I got a cool sword for Christmas
But the idiot at the store
Wrapped it in 100 feet of wrapping paper
And I cannot fathom what for.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 