I used a hand dryer
In the public restroom
After I went to the beach.
I expected it
To dry my hands,
But it delivered a political speech.
Tag Archives: Politics
Happy Election Day!
Today, America extends a query
To test the ever-popular theory
And forever end the debate
About whether love is stronger than hate.
We’re given two men with no virtues to note
And told it’s important to go out and vote.
One choice is to vote that you love Barron’s dad,
Or else just to vote that you think “Orange Man Bad.”
As for the white guy who’ll earn half the votes
Who creeps people out and has quotable quotes…
One guy will win, half the nation will cry,
And celebrities still won’t move to Canada… sigh.
Filed under Poems
And Yet We Keep Voting For Them…
Politicians are like a bag of chips
That appear to be mostly air
But then they take the chips away
And say “You’re healthy now. See? I care!”
Filed under Poems
Democracy… Please?
I think a million-dollar income
Is an inalienable right
For everyone within an inch
Of six-foot-O in height,
And that all of those people
Should be worshipped as Gods
And based on modern politics
Such a change has decent odds…
Mixed Messages (AKA The Power of Marketing)
I read a few websites today
And thought I’d share a list
Of just a few quotations
That I now know exist.
The following will not be rhymed
Because they’re exact quotes;
The twist shall be revealed in time
So no need to take notes:
“We fight for clarity and truth telling. We fight for a world that we want our children to live in.”
“We also promote an aggressive search for and use of non-polluting and clean energy sources such as solar, wind, and clean fossil fuels.”
“We respect the right of homeowners and that no one should ever be forced from their home for the non payment of taxes.”
“We support all U.S. veterans. We should find those that are missing and take care of those who have come home.”
“We affirm our humanity, our contributions to this society, and our resilience in the face of deadly oppression.”
“We declare freedom is humanity’s highest ideal, and no cost is too great to ensure liberty and justice.”
“We disrupted business as usual and impacted the world. Thank you to our organizers, our supporters, and our allies.”
“We have fought like hell for our freedom and we will continue to fight like hell. Because we deserve more than we have been given. Because we deserve the healing and the transformation and most importantly we deserve to be free.”
So who are these idealists
Who write impassioned pleas
With hope that everyone will know
The world their author sees?
Some are from “Black Lives Matter.”
The rest are from the KKK.
One of them I just made up,
So happy research day!
Filed under Poems
Who Else Watched The Debate?
“Roses are red!”
“No! Violets are blue!”
“That’s a lie!”
“Shut up!” “F*** you!”
Filed under Poems
American Political Redux
Trumpty Dumpty built us a wall.
Trumpty Dumpty polled well in the Fall,
But an army of lawyers, Fox News, and white horses
Couldn’t stop CNN and “Anonymous Sources.”
Filed under Poems
Two American Legends
Yankee Doodle went to town
Riding on a pony.
He stuck a feather in his cap
And called it macaroni.
Yankee Doodle was confused,
Perhaps ’cause of the ridin’,
And his random speech habit
Got picked up by Joe Biden.
Filed under Poems
Giant Meteor: Not A Viable Candidate… Too Likeable
If you say the truth’s important
But you’re lying,
If you say you’re in perfect health
But you’re dying,
If you say you’re a real lady
But you’re a gent
I think you have a shot to be
The US President.
Filed under Poems
If Only His Parents Named Him Neil…
Greg is 17-foot-3,
Runs faster than the eye can see,
And more impressive than Greg’s size is
How Greg’s won four Nobel Prizes.
Greg is just 18 years old.
All Greg touches turns to gold.
Greg’s backstory’s very tragical
Which makes Greg seem even more magical.
Greg declared the other day
Greg wants to play in the NBA.
The coaches laughed ’til they soiled their pants…
Greg once said, “Cops are fine,” so Greg never stood a chance.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 