Tag Archives: Covid

How I Choose To Put Stuff In My Body

You know those ads that run late at night

Where the guy tells you how to solve life

By eating one teaspoon of Stuff every day.

After all, it’s how he found his wife

Even though he was homeless and 300 pounds

And rodents were all he digested

Until he discovered a miracle cure

That one night he just manifested.

It’s a powder with maca, ginseng, beluga,

Alabaster, carnuba, and chives

And though the FDA says it’s not tested at all

It will change many millions of lives!

Well the guy selling Stuff that the FDA doubts

Saying it will make everything great

Has the same credentials as the Covid vaccine

Which is why I personally hesitate.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

This Haiku Says It All

I coughed on someone

Who got their Covid vaccine.

Why are they worried?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

What About The Roads Though?

In the past twelve months, America

Printed twice as much money

As every American Billionaire combined,

Which is twenty percent

Of all dollars ever spent

Since 1835.

That money could pay off

All American credit card debt

AND all American student loan debt


And so I ask:

Why do we need taxes again?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Only The Bullies and the Barefaced Have Been Seen In Public…

There once was somebody’s spouse

Who put on a burgundy blouse.

She said, “Some folks will ask

“Kindly ‘Please wear a mask?'”

But those folks never leave their house…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

More Inspiring Covid Stories

I used to dress in a suit and tie

And drive off to my job

Creating animated models

For my supervisor, Rob.

One day, Rob pulled me aside

And said, “Work from home, dude.”

I’m still an animator

But now I model nude.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

For Those Who Missed The Metaphor, The Dragon Is Poverty

The dragon was coming

To Farawayshire

To eat many virgins

And breathe lots of fire.

The lord of the town said

“‘Fraid of dragons we aint,

“For I have procured us

“A fireproof paint!”

And so people painted

The roofs and the walls

Or the houses and stables

And castles and malls

Until the Lord said

With the smallest of sneezes,

“Cease painting at once

“For it causes diseases.”

The paint, it so happened

Did cause minor distress

To persons named Remington,

Fleischmann, and Hess.

Those with such names

Of course caused quite a fuss

While the rest of the town

Wondered, “What about us?

“The dragon is coming!

“How will we survive?

“Sure, a few will be sickened

“But we’ll be alive!”

The mayor just laughed

And he said with a tsk…

“What’s a few teeth and fire

“When our health is at risk?”

And, for some reason, this

Made the citizens calm

And await coming dragons

With nary a qualm.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

If At First You Don’t Succeed…

Eight months ago the plague began

And this is what we did:

We locked the doors and bought TP

And then, for months, we hid.

And when we ate and pooped too much

We ventured out once more,

And so it was the first lockdown

Was written in the lore.

But when the lockdown ended

It seemed the plague had not,

And it was clear the lockdown

Had not a new peace brought.

It hadn’t worked, and so the leaders

Gathered to discuss

What they could say to guarantee

Obedience from us.

What the leaders settled on

Is really rather zen:

“It didn’t work the first time,

“So let’s do the same again!”

And many of the people

Went along without a fight

Because the folks with titles

Told them, “This will make it right.”

Meanwhile, the maskless multitude

Possessing common sense

Said politely, “Thanks, no thanks.”

And thus the world grew tense…

And now a civil war of sorts

‘Tween masked and naked faces

Will not subside regardless of

How numerous the cases.

And all of this could be escaped

If one would simply say

“Do as you will with who you want

“And please respect my way.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Worse Than The Freshman 15…

I gained a couple of pounds

Since the last time I was seen.

I’m noticeably wider

Since the start of quarantine.

I’ve got handles for lovin’

But no contact with my queen.

Life has stalled, I’m going bald

And I gained Covid 19.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Six Feet Apart

I saw you in your sweatpants

And your Hello Kitty mask.

Yours was the sort of presence

In which a man might bask,

But basking’s off the table

Even though it breaks my heart.

I’ll just have to admire you

From at least six feet apart!

Yeah you were hauling groceries

Into your healthy home

From which, save for essentials,

You could not, for some time, roam.

You made my dreams come true just by

Returning from the mart.

With this telescope it doesn’t seem

Like we’re six feet apart!

And when you spend your days inside

Just watching your TV

No one in your house wears pants

Which means there’s room for me.

I send you morse-code love notes

And order food for you a la carte,

Just my way of making contact

When we’re stuck six feet apart!

Now you might think I’m creepy,

That I’ve gone a bit too far

By buying you a drink

After the feds shut down the bar,

But no one will arrest me

Just for causing you a start

‘Cause they’re emptying the prisons

To keep the crooks six feet apart!

So smile on your Zoom call

And when you’re making crepes,

And smile most of all

When Amazon brings your new drapes.

I made you covet COVID

‘Cause it gave you the head start

That you needed to ensure that we

Remain six feet apart!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems