Tag Archives: Covid

Worse Than The Freshman 15…

I gained a couple of pounds

Since the last time I was seen.

I’m noticeably wider

Since the start of quarantine.

I’ve got handles for lovin’

But no contact with my queen.

Life has stalled, I’m going bald

And I gained Covid 19.

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Six Feet Apart

I saw you in your sweatpants

And your Hello Kitty mask.

Yours was the sort of presence

In which a man might bask,

But basking’s off the table

Even though it breaks my heart.

I’ll just have to admire you

From at least six feet apart!

Yeah you were hauling groceries

Into your healthy home

From which, save for essentials,

You could not, for some time, roam.

You made my dreams come true just by

Returning from the mart.

With this telescope it doesn’t seem

Like we’re six feet apart!

And when you spend your days inside

Just watching your TV

No one in your house wears pants

Which means there’s room for me.

I send you morse-code love notes

And order food for you a la carte,

Just my way of making contact

When we’re stuck six feet apart!

Now you might think I’m creepy,

That I’ve gone a bit too far

By buying you a drink

After the feds shut down the bar,

But no one will arrest me

Just for causing you a start

‘Cause they’re emptying the prisons

To keep the crooks six feet apart!

So smile on your Zoom call

And when you’re making crepes,

And smile most of all

When Amazon brings your new drapes.

I made you covet COVID

‘Cause it gave you the head start

That you needed to ensure that we

Remain six feet apart!

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