Nevertheless
Always the more
Seldom the -ible
But often the horr-
Too much conniption
For such a poor fit
This new lack of him/her
Well, I’m tired of it
Tag Archives: Postaday
A Treatise On Cooperation With Government… Sort Of
Two children sit and watch a thing
That’s orange and round and fun.
One says “it’s warm and so it must
“Be a piece of fallen sun.”
One says “I can slam dunk it
“So it’s a basketball.”
Another says “it’s a tangerine!
“Do you know nothing at all?”
And I, with silent others, watch
Them call a pizza many names.
Some kids voted between them
When the appropriate moment came,
Yet I, when shown a pizza
And was asked “robot or duck?”
Didn’t vote for either answer
Because dishonest answers suck.
As the other children compromised
And said “Fine! It’s a goat!”
I ate and shared the pizza
With the others who didn’t vote.
Dear Fellow Drivers, Stanzas 1-3 of 666
I love you
Like I love early mornings,
Like the smell of microwaveable cuisine,
Like a secondhand q-tip,
Like stainable steel,
Like the dry-mouth aftertaste of human spleen.
I love you
Like Jew’s love the early 40’s,
Like nudists love Alaskan Winter nights.
I love you like a river
Loves the absence of nearby bathrooms,
Like Congress loves supporting individual rights.
I love you
Like Chris Brown loves Rihanna,
Like hot girls like short, polite, low-income men.
I love you
Like babies like international flights,
Like when your cellmate winks and says “hey babe, I’m Ben.”
Filed under Poems
Not Pictured: Half-Full Glass, Girlfriend?
Everything in my life sucks
So I spend a lot of time
With my vacuum cleaner
Because I love irony
And clean floors.
Filed under Poems
Breaking Up Is Easy To Do
May I compare thee
To a big slab of meat:
Not too tricky to buy,
Satisfying to eat.
…Apparently not!
Correlation and Causation
The caged hamster
Lays no eggs.
Imprisoned gators
Give no milk.
Detained cobras
Have no legs.
Subjugated silkworms
Yield no silk,
Yet free-range chickens
Lay eggs daily.
Fence-free cows
Give endless cream.
Freedom lets you
Go through life gaily,
So free the hamsters and reptiles
And we’ll live the dream!
Filed under Poems
The Sentiment Is True Of Most Art, Actually
Poetry
Is like a knee;
It certainly has it’s place
But we’ll agree
Whether poem or knee
It’s better off not in your face.
Filed under Poems
Dilemmas Of Modern Romance… Yet Another True Story
As a person young
In age and heart
The search for love is,
In my life, a part.
But amidst all the boasting,
The flirting, the pink
There come candid answers
That force you to think:
Filed under Poems
Insomnia Saves The Day!
I got sick and went to bed at 8:00.
I forgot about writing poetry
But luckily ’twas not too late.
This is rushed and uncreative
But what did you expect
From a guy who feels like vomiting
In the way of ile, project?
Filed under Poems
Today Poetry Turned Out To Be a Useful Life Skill! (Kind Of)
Backstory: I’ve been in touch with a graphic designer. It’s taken a few weeks for her to send me designs, and her emails hadn’t shown up in my inbox. When asked my opinion of the work I whipped out my poetic prowess and replied…
In neither spam nor inbox
Did the message you sent go.
Where it came from I am certain.
Where it went to, I don’t know.
The message’s presence may bring joy.
It’s absence truly doesn’t,
So if sending seemed like a success
I assure you that it wasn’t.
Now isn’t that more fun than “please send it again?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 