Follow your star
Wherever it leads.
Reap the fruits of desire
With your dreams as the seeds.
Follow your star
To your destiny’s stage.
Embrace life’s uniqueness,
Serenity, rage.
Follow your star
Into infinite space.
I just hope that it leads you
Far away from my face.
Filed under Poems
I always thought I was the type of pig
Who built his house of bricks,
But on my online dating profile
I referred to women as “chicks.”
I don’t know how I’ll find true love,
After dropping such a bomb.
I guess the fire that burned my bridge
Started with a match.com
Snow meanders from the sky,
Frozen water from up high.
It makes the children feel alive,
Enrages those who have to drive.
The snow is one foot deep, then two.
Sleds come out, and ice skates too.
Men and angels made of snow
Play with the children from below.
And all alone one child cries
As he comes to realize
That Californian girls and boys
Don’t get to share these little joys.
Then he gets comfort from his Dad.
Guess North Dakota’s not that bad.
Filed under Poems
Last night was so traumatic
That I need somewhere to vent,
For deep inside my heart
This feeling, up is pent.
I was driving home that evening
Behind a smart car, of all things,
Admiring the method
By which Shakira sings
When I saw the telltale glint
Of two curious green eyes,
And at once I knew the smart car
Was going faster than was wise.
Out leapt the eyes, and with them
Came the body of the cat.
There was quite the explosion
With blood and all of that.
And so I’ve seen the process
Of roadkill. Such dismay!
At least I take some comfort knowing
That at least the cat’s okay.
Filed under Poems
I never learned how to sew,
So my homemaking skills are so-so,
But I know “two” from “to,”
And I even learned “too,”
So I guess you reap what you so.
Filed under Poems
Thirty years after the events
Of the movie “Home Alone,”
The little kid who starred in it
Must now pick up the phone
And call the bank to bend and scrape
For money to be loaned.
The mortgage guy approves the app,
A trap for our hero.
And so the boy becomes a man
With a house, all on his own.
The title of the sequel is
Of course, “Home: A Loan.”
Filed under Poems
Never underestimate
The power of a bike,
For if you do, I’m telling you
To go and take a hike.
Filed under Poems
I don’t need lots of money,
Fancy cars or clothes.
I’m happy as can be
Without any one of those.
Instead what my heart longs for
Through every lonely night
Is to once find a hotel room
Lit by one overhead light.
Saggy and immortal
Is how I want to be,
Drooping like a curtain
For all eternity,
For if I could live forever
Then why be thin? Pray tell!
It worked for Jabba the Hutt
And he did pretty well
(Although he missed his calling
Playing in the NFL).
Filed under Poems
In the beginning
The world was flat,
The king was king,
And that was that.
Then peasants saw
They’d gotten screwed.
They grabbed torches and pitchforks
And got really rude.
Now the king wasn’t king
And the Earth was a sphere
And the peasants rejoiced
And drank all the beer.
A king was elected
Who told everyone
“The beer will be back
When my four years are done.”
But the beer wasn’t back
After the Earth’s fourth turn,
So the pitchforks were sharpened
And the torches did burn.
And now the beer’s back,
Which just goes to show
That society’s perfect.
And, well, now you know.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 