Willow, willow, don’t you weep.
Just calm upon the Earth sit.
Your loveliness has but one name:
Arb’oreal: Because you’re worth it.
Tag Archives: Puns
Proof That Cutting Your Dick Off Is Heroic
When a guy decides he’d rather be female
And undergoes surgery, then
I think they become the most powerful mutants
Because, after all, they’re ex-men.
Filed under Poems
Why Animals Are Better Naked
In the beginning
When Adam and Eve
Decided to hide
Their groins with some leaves
A great cat of Eden
Chose to enhance
Its modest appearance
By wearing some pants.
Were he a cheetah,
A leopard or lion
Their would be no problem
And all would be fine.
Alas, ’twas a puma
Who chose to get dressed
And he said “I puma pants”
And was teased ’til depressed.
And so he went naked
And other beasts did the same
Until that one girl
And the dog-sweaters came…
Filed under Poems
Feel The Burn
I’m not a really kinky dude
(As you may have surmised)
So I don’t know if this is real
But I wouldn’t be surprised:
There should be a dating site
For folks who “sub” or “dom”
To meet in public places…
“Strike-Anywhere Match.com”
Filed under Poems
Starting With The End In Mind
I wanted to be a journalist,
A master of the black and white,
But they said “You can’t ’cause you’re a bear.”
I studied far and wide
And bought the AP style guide,
But still no one would hire me… no fair.
Then one day I got a deal
To write one article for real
About how to better manage stress.
It was temp work, but hey!
Now I’m honest when I say
I am the only true Panda, Ex-Press.
Filed under Poems
Almost Year of the Ox…
I was in San Francisco
Looking for a Gucci bag.
I saw one that was perfect
But it didn’t have a tag.
I asked the asian shop clerk
“Is this real? I’m not a cop.”
He said, “Bag not counterfeit,”
And that was bull in a china shop.
Filed under Poems
More Inspiring Covid Stories
I used to dress in a suit and tie
And drive off to my job
Creating animated models
For my supervisor, Rob.
One day, Rob pulled me aside
And said, “Work from home, dude.”
I’m still an animator
But now I model nude.
Filed under Poems
Exercise in the Park
I asked, “Jerry, how do I
“Improve my upper body strength?”
He said, “A bench press
“Is a good place to start, Mark.”
I thought of his advice
And pondered it at length,
Then I grabbed my iron
And went to the city park.
I told the people and the pigeons
That they must depart,
Then I pressed into that bench
Until the steam had all but ceased.
I still have a weak torso
But Jerry said that it’s a start,
And even so I must admit
The bench looks better creased.
Filed under Poems
The Ends Justify The Memes
Leisurely athlete
With a camera on her head…
Yo, slow GoPro hoe!
Filed under Poems
When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order
Dab and Deb were walking
To meet up with Dib and Dob.
(Dub was nowhere to be seen).
Then Dab began to sob.
The first sentence is the beginning
And the third one is the ending.
Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”
Now wasn’t that mind-bending?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 