Tag Archives: Short

What The Flock?

The best men in America

All come from Arkansas.

They’re peacocks in the city

And turkeys in the straw.

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“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”

Is really a load of bull…

When there’s no meat on the table for dinner

Nobody’s like “But the bushes are full!”

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Some say Bird Jesus is a parrot

‘Cause he always has something to say.

I personally disagree because

Bird Jesus is a bird of pray.

——————————————————–

The woods were dark and silent

And our hunting trip did fail.

My wife said the woods were empty

But I just think the birds were male.

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Millennial Parents Be Like…

The dentist asked three little boys

“Every day do you floss?”

Jeff said “Yes”

And Jeph said “Yes”

And Geoff said “Yeos.”

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Modern Problems Require Modern Solutions

When you remember your username

But the password you do not

And have to point out stop signs

To prove you aren’t a robot…

I think they should have a youtube ad

And if you don’t click “skip in 5”

They know you are a robot,

Or at least you’re not alive.

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Today, In America

The family was gathered,

The chicken was frying,

And somewhere on TV

Our leaders were lying.

I was lighting the fireworks

And feeling just fine

‘Til I held up my fingers

And counted to nine.

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On a Scale Of A-F, I’d Grade This An Rrrrrr

I knew a pirate captain

And boy, was he a putz!

He tried to hump his steering wheel

And complained “This is driving me nuts!”

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A Competitive Game

I asked the rock-paper-scissors champion

The secret of which symbol’s best to choose.

He smiled as he answered: “The key to my success

“Is, when I play, I always try to lose.”

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The Moment Before You Concede The Custody Battle

When I was but a tiny lad,

Not more than eight years old

My mom would tell me “Go to bed”

And I’d do as I was told.

Now I tuck in my 8-year old

And say “Good night. Sweet dreams.”

And she replies “Keep lecturing me

“And they’ll never hear your screams.”

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NOOOO! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!

Roses are mauve

And kale causes addiction.

Two women sat quietly.

This poem is fiction.

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From My Rejected Spongebob Script

A daddy seashell said to his son

“If you want to have some fun

“Hold a human ear to your shell

“And you can hear the sound of blood. ‘Tis swell!”

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21st Century Facts

95 Americans contracted the plague

From 2000 to 2017

12 of whom have died from it

(At least that we have seen).

It’s amazing that all these years later

The plague is here to stay,

And that it’s death toll is greater

Than all-time ticket sales of the WNBA.

Sources:

https://www.cdc.gov/plague/maps/index.html

(Unfortunately there is no significant data indicating the purchase of one or more tickets to a WNBA event)

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